mmmm! Your entry for December 12 resonates strongly. I can't remember ever feeling so tired, all the way to my bones, and feeling as if it will never end, though I know deeply it's bound to. Beautiful pictures and words, Susie! You are absolutely not alone! XO
Heartfelt thanks Danielle, I am at last on my Christmas break and if its possible to feel more tired than I was, I'm there... and now, of course, all there is time for is Christmas prep for the big day before I can truly feel and see rest looming! I do hope you have time to relax and unwind, rest the weariness out of you and recharge for the new year sweet soul... I am sending hugs and gentle vibes across the ether to you with love XOX
Isn’t it wonderful when our children can suddenly make us believe that all parenting endeavours have not been in vain? You sound worried though and I’m hoping all will be well, I’m quite confident those sheep will be just fine 😂 And isn’t the joy of pets in being able to spoil them a little in a way we were not supposed to treat our children? Xx
Hi Vanessa, apologies for my late reply, I honestly don’t know how anyone keeps up here and stays on top of their jobs, homes, animals, kids needs… I am sooo behind!
I am a worried but eternal optimist that I am I’m hoping that love will cure all - its a big hope but not impossible. The French system shocks me immensely sometimes, as does the way families treat their children! Need I say more…
I’ve just carted hay and nuts down to my sheep in a howling north wind and lashing rain, they refused to leave their cabin so have paddled across the field to place it all inside for them… yes they are spoilt, and why not, I so agree! xx
Never any need to apologise Susie, I don’t know how you find time to write at all, though I’m glad you do.
I hope you can find some delicious little pockets of peace and quiet in which to gently breathe over the next few days. I send love from endlessly grey and soggy Somerset. Xx
Bless you Vanessa, I hope you too, find a few moments to pause in the sunshine over the next few days… here too the grey and wet seem endless but my daughter is home and honestly, that is sunshine enough for me! Love back to you, I hope your day is merry xx
This beautiful writing reads like a diary of lyrics written for songs , musical notes to be cast out to the wind or hung low in the mist on your hill. But today, I notice there are notes missing, creating silent spaces held close.
And in the dark of night, everything perfectly orchestrated ; the mice will sprinkle nut shells, the sheep will gather and pull wool from each other for tinsel, the laundry will come alive , shaking , umm, their fairy dust, yes that’s it, fairy dust, chickens pecking feathers in place . And the copper pot will be holding Roger’s wonderous tree covered in garland. Just as they all planned it. A gift . ( Don’t laugh, this is my fairytale, and I will always believe in fairytales).
May tomorrow bring a slower pace, a calming.New musical notes to be added.
“I sing through the land, the land sings through me …”
Lor I don't laugh at fairytales, especially your fairytales which I read just at the right moment because I'm beginning to believe they don't exist, no no, I don't laugh, I smile hugely only! And of course when you smile and believe they come true!
Rogers gifted tree is now decked a white snowballs and twinkly lights and home made whatnots kept by a family over their years...
There is still fairy dust in the air too because now that I've spotted where it hides I can create a veritable disco ball which lights up with every beam of sun pouring in...
The copper pan however, is still a mystery... I found another!
“I sing through the land, the land sings through me …” I think I will use this line its so beautiful (did you link it - It wouldn't open 😔) it is what I will dream of for the coming days - I'm counting hours and minutes to Fridays longed for holidays followed by a trip to Toulouse to collect my daughter on Saturday...
Wander beautifully in your snowscapes dear Lor... I will walk with you vicariously.
"They throw me the same look I am treated to in summer when the heat is too stifling even for lying quietly under the plum trees, as if this day, and yesterday—all days that aren’t perfect for woollen creatures—are entirely of my making. I explain in detail about Mother Nature and winter and how all creatures adapt, even we mere humans." Beautifully written, Susie. Sheep are adept at playing with one's mind, though they act dumb. In its glorious beauty mixed with sadness, this post somehow evokes Camus & Hardy - I'm now imagining this unlikely pair huddled under the protection of the hedge, exchanging gloomy reflections on the world. Thank you for your writing and good luck with the mice and melancholy!
Sheep are fascinating creatures when one has time to study their habits and yes,
I agree entirely more intelligent then ever given credit for... they run circles around me too often!
Now I too am imaging a conversation between this unlikely pair Jeffrey, Camus debating human existence over Hardy's argument love to be a little bird in that hedge listening in, for surely it would be a fascinating discourse - Thank you for planting such an idea in my head and of course thank you again for reading and sharing - I hope the week is kind to you.
I do believe I smelled the color Winter Grey somewhere in your gallivant. Mmm - brisk! Our frosty week softened into rain. Thank goodness. Our dry hillsides need it. I hope you find your memory. I say it’s in the sock drawer, spoiled and sluggish as a sheep.
Brisk and getting brisker Tara, I'm hoping for snow, it's been too many years since the landscape has slept, peaceful and warm under a white blanket.... I will check the sock drawer and speak to my sheep, and maybe the check the fridge too since it is there that I found my purse yesterday evening!
Christmas panic reigns... I hope yours is calmer! 🙏🏼
Jan, Thank you, I am not great at hiding behind the light when darknesses cloud my days... or words for that matter though you have to see sheep smirking to believe it! X
Many thanks John, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I cannot make light of sadnesses or the dark shadows they bring. Mice in the floorboards however, that's different! I am glad you feel the humanness.
Photographing dust motes seems a magic all its own, to notice and capture such beauty to share with us is such a gift Susie. I have been so full of cold and mucus this week, venturing outside has felt a chore, until I wrap up and actually do, and then I realise that I can finally breathe again. Your letters draw me into the winter cold to breathe and walk and notice. Yesterday at dusk, walking home up the lane with my own Suzie, the crows flew, on their way home too, calling each other to roost. It was a moment worth the biting cold. Sending love for a kinder week, for a humane departure of the mice, for a mind cleared of worry and freed of distraction xx
Dearest Emily, I do hope you're recovering from dreaded winter ailments, if not fully restored and feeling some the joy returning for the days to come. I think, no, no, I know we mums, who work a day job as well as our house and family jobs and animal jobs too, try to pack in far too much at Christmas and we always end by suffering somehow. I am too distracted by everything, lists, worries, fatigue... so much so that yesterday evening returning from some of the most difficult classes I have, I ran into the back of another car at traffic lights. I literally just dissolved into tears and although the lady's first reaction was anger, when she saw the state I was in she was very kind. Thank fully both cars still drove away but mine is limping terribly and very battered... its the last thing I need but lesson learnt. I hope. Although probably not!
I am literally counting the hours until Friday evening and school holidays, they can't come soon enough. I need to be in fresh bright air, counting crows and pigeons, having field conversations and hugging my daughter!
Take care sweet soul, keep breathing that good clean air, I send you love right back always. 💛xx
PS The mice have upped their game, organised a whole festival between the floorboards, I'm certain there is alcohol involved - they are raucous!
Oh no Susie! the car, the mice, I'm so sorry that your week had more trouble in store for you. But, just two more days and then freedom from school at least. Perhaps the mice should be inviting you to the festivities and sharing their alcohol! My daughter's only request for Christmas was a new bed, not a small ask, but one that we wanted to accommodate, so today, it has arrived and is clogging up the entire hallway in boxes, her old bed is in pieces in the living room and tonight will be fraught with unpacking and putting the new one together, so she has something to sleep on... I am still full of lurgy, I think I may have blown some of my grey matter out through my nose (and maybe my eyesockets too..), or possibly it's leaking out sideways and blocking up my ears. I had a meeting today that I have been dreading and although it was never going to be pleasant, at least it is now over. I am working Monday and Tuesday next week, but then I am off until 6th January. I am looking forward to the next couple of weeks, but also to returning to reality and a reduction in the chaos and overwhelm of this season, happy holidays! xx
Emily, thank you lovely, its the last thing I need but perhaps it was a sign to slow down before something worse happens, perhaps you need to stop and breathe for a moment too! If you can of course… your days sound even more chaotic than mine do… I think we both need to rest! Sending clam hugs and yes, happy holidays when yours arrive too! 💛xx
Susie, I know of the strange melancholy that creeps in and can not be explained. I can not bear to give it space on the page, but perhaps that is what it needs. Perhaps that is what I need. Thank you always for sharing you. 💕
Thank you dear Pamela, I know many people who find that melancholy hard to share or express I the written word and I don't know if my sharing is a good or a bad ploy to adopt but it is me and I think that is important. When I read between the lines in your letters, I can feel your emotions too... I also believe many people find comfort in knowing they are not alone in their hardships when they read of other peoples. It makes them feel less alone, less afraid even...💛x
Susie, I waiver some days on being able to express my melancholy or wanting to attempt to work past it. It’s a thin line this time of year. I feel the need to uplift others and myself most days, and maybe wallow less. It’s always in the undercurrent. I’m typically good at expressing my woe, I just feel the need to be quite and mull it’s source. It feels somewhat different from the usual. I so appreciate that you know and say what some of us feel so deeply. xoxo
I understand deeply those feelings, especially at this time of year when the joy of seasonal celebrations are utmost in everyones thoughts. What you share here on Substack is always uplifting and I in turn applaud you for such continuity of good will and sharing - It is needed and beautiful 🙏🏼
The word we use in our house for the well loved creatures in our life is "sploved," loved with a hint of something more.😍
I'm sorry to hear about your heartbreaking week. It's so hard to find a constructive way forward after learning such awful things. I'm glad that at least you had your hill and its animals to help you.
Sarah what a gorgeous word! 'Sploved' I just might have to begin using that for my woolly loves...
We all have weeks that are hard, days that reveal stories we don't want to necessarily learn, I think it is what we do with them that is important. For now I am still digesting the sad facts to find the right diagnosis... if indeed there is one.
I hope your week is kind to you - thank you again. x
Many thank’s for reading Lynn, sometimes we learn things that we wish we could unlearn… a little, make that a lot, of something beautiful was necessary last week, it really was. X
Such beautiful writing and reflections here, Susie. I hope the holidays bring you some time to rest and recalibrate. Thank you for your mention, that was so kind of you. And congratulations for raising a son you are proud of. Nothing else truly matters.
I agree, nothing else really matters, our children are everything, more... I am lucky to have such an empathetic and sensitive son, he never stops making my heart feel full.
I so relate to your forgetful day. It always seems like those lapses happen in clusters of 5 or 6. I never just forget the keys, I forget the keys and lose my bank card and have to sit on the phone for 2 hours trying to change a flight. I feel like this happens even more during the holidays when I am not with all the people I love and then have to change plans at the last minute, etc.
Deirdre I totally agree and I am definitely getting worse... maybe life just gets busier and busier for us when it should be slowing down, there never seems to be much time anywhere for concentrating on important things - Yesterday I found my purse in the fridge!
No need to be coy or hold back, ...or fret that you ...or others might read it the wrong way.
I simply adore you.
Somehow in the midst of this week where all of these weights and doubts, and unwelcome visitors in your nighttime floor, and sullen sheep and forgotten identification cards have taken turns spinning you about, you have also been making beauty and reaching out across continents, making time to pay attention and make friendly fusses, and offer encouragements to others, including me.
We see you, thanks to your careful notes. We feel the kindness that simply cannot be faked, that you offer, whether to indignant sheep, or to us.
There is much that we cannot, need not know in detail, things weighing on you, welling up anxieties and fears. Would that we could wave a few of them away with our smiles of gratitude and good wishes.
We see you, dear Susie, see glimpses of an always complex and sometimes shadowy world as viewed in chill air on the muddy side of a hill with a most human magician.
You are adored for a hundred wonderful reasons and for several un-reasons.
Dearest David, as I read this again, I am feeling not only your very humbling adoration but a glowing circle of warmth that you always weave into your comments...
I often wonder at the wisdom of baring all, of writing of the saddest hours as well as those that are bright. It is not everyone that will appreciate yet more weight when their own feels too much to carry, indeed, I have lost a good handful of subscribers in writing of such melancholies but we are nothing if we cannot be honest, not only with others but with ourselves - my heart is open, I wear it on my sleeve like that because I know of no other way.
Your words left me quiet and very touched, feeling the weight of their kindness settle into my heart. To be "adored for a hundred wonderful reasons and several un-reasons"—what a deeply human, perfectly imperfect, and utterly generous way to be seen. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so truly captured in words before.
The last days have left me spinning in a grey cloud, yet here I find myself steadied by your reflections. Knowing that even in my rather muddled efforts, there are glimpses of kindness and connection that reach you—it means the world.
I feel your gratitude across the distance, am holding onto them like warmth in the chill air of my hill. Thank you for seeing me, for offering this mirror of light when the shadows feel long.
Thanks Betty, not his little horror story is not going to go away, hopefully the shock will fade, the raw emotion too but what is done is done - it can't be changed.
How I would love to give each and every one of your furry family hugs, sheep, cats -and dog?🫂🐾🫂🐾🫂🐾🫂 Even the mice. 🧀
I will give each of them one, maybe two, on your behalf… whispering in their ears, Love from Louise, my dear friend in Japan. 💛xx
🥹 Wish I were there. 🫂
mmmm! Your entry for December 12 resonates strongly. I can't remember ever feeling so tired, all the way to my bones, and feeling as if it will never end, though I know deeply it's bound to. Beautiful pictures and words, Susie! You are absolutely not alone! XO
Heartfelt thanks Danielle, I am at last on my Christmas break and if its possible to feel more tired than I was, I'm there... and now, of course, all there is time for is Christmas prep for the big day before I can truly feel and see rest looming! I do hope you have time to relax and unwind, rest the weariness out of you and recharge for the new year sweet soul... I am sending hugs and gentle vibes across the ether to you with love XOX
Isn’t it wonderful when our children can suddenly make us believe that all parenting endeavours have not been in vain? You sound worried though and I’m hoping all will be well, I’m quite confident those sheep will be just fine 😂 And isn’t the joy of pets in being able to spoil them a little in a way we were not supposed to treat our children? Xx
Hi Vanessa, apologies for my late reply, I honestly don’t know how anyone keeps up here and stays on top of their jobs, homes, animals, kids needs… I am sooo behind!
I am a worried but eternal optimist that I am I’m hoping that love will cure all - its a big hope but not impossible. The French system shocks me immensely sometimes, as does the way families treat their children! Need I say more…
I’ve just carted hay and nuts down to my sheep in a howling north wind and lashing rain, they refused to leave their cabin so have paddled across the field to place it all inside for them… yes they are spoilt, and why not, I so agree! xx
Never any need to apologise Susie, I don’t know how you find time to write at all, though I’m glad you do.
I hope you can find some delicious little pockets of peace and quiet in which to gently breathe over the next few days. I send love from endlessly grey and soggy Somerset. Xx
Bless you Vanessa, I hope you too, find a few moments to pause in the sunshine over the next few days… here too the grey and wet seem endless but my daughter is home and honestly, that is sunshine enough for me! Love back to you, I hope your day is merry xx
This beautiful writing reads like a diary of lyrics written for songs , musical notes to be cast out to the wind or hung low in the mist on your hill. But today, I notice there are notes missing, creating silent spaces held close.
And in the dark of night, everything perfectly orchestrated ; the mice will sprinkle nut shells, the sheep will gather and pull wool from each other for tinsel, the laundry will come alive , shaking , umm, their fairy dust, yes that’s it, fairy dust, chickens pecking feathers in place . And the copper pot will be holding Roger’s wonderous tree covered in garland. Just as they all planned it. A gift . ( Don’t laugh, this is my fairytale, and I will always believe in fairytales).
May tomorrow bring a slower pace, a calming.New musical notes to be added.
“I sing through the land, the land sings through me …”
~ Peter Gabriel
Lor I don't laugh at fairytales, especially your fairytales which I read just at the right moment because I'm beginning to believe they don't exist, no no, I don't laugh, I smile hugely only! And of course when you smile and believe they come true!
Rogers gifted tree is now decked a white snowballs and twinkly lights and home made whatnots kept by a family over their years...
There is still fairy dust in the air too because now that I've spotted where it hides I can create a veritable disco ball which lights up with every beam of sun pouring in...
The copper pan however, is still a mystery... I found another!
“I sing through the land, the land sings through me …” I think I will use this line its so beautiful (did you link it - It wouldn't open 😔) it is what I will dream of for the coming days - I'm counting hours and minutes to Fridays longed for holidays followed by a trip to Toulouse to collect my daughter on Saturday...
Wander beautifully in your snowscapes dear Lor... I will walk with you vicariously.
"They throw me the same look I am treated to in summer when the heat is too stifling even for lying quietly under the plum trees, as if this day, and yesterday—all days that aren’t perfect for woollen creatures—are entirely of my making. I explain in detail about Mother Nature and winter and how all creatures adapt, even we mere humans." Beautifully written, Susie. Sheep are adept at playing with one's mind, though they act dumb. In its glorious beauty mixed with sadness, this post somehow evokes Camus & Hardy - I'm now imagining this unlikely pair huddled under the protection of the hedge, exchanging gloomy reflections on the world. Thank you for your writing and good luck with the mice and melancholy!
Sheep are fascinating creatures when one has time to study their habits and yes,
I agree entirely more intelligent then ever given credit for... they run circles around me too often!
Now I too am imaging a conversation between this unlikely pair Jeffrey, Camus debating human existence over Hardy's argument love to be a little bird in that hedge listening in, for surely it would be a fascinating discourse - Thank you for planting such an idea in my head and of course thank you again for reading and sharing - I hope the week is kind to you.
I do believe I smelled the color Winter Grey somewhere in your gallivant. Mmm - brisk! Our frosty week softened into rain. Thank goodness. Our dry hillsides need it. I hope you find your memory. I say it’s in the sock drawer, spoiled and sluggish as a sheep.
Brisk and getting brisker Tara, I'm hoping for snow, it's been too many years since the landscape has slept, peaceful and warm under a white blanket.... I will check the sock drawer and speak to my sheep, and maybe the check the fridge too since it is there that I found my purse yesterday evening!
Christmas panic reigns... I hope yours is calmer! 🙏🏼
love these notes -- the honesty of the highs and lows, the beauty and the sheep smirking :) x
Jan, Thank you, I am not great at hiding behind the light when darknesses cloud my days... or words for that matter though you have to see sheep smirking to believe it! X
Quietly moving, very human.
Many thanks John, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I cannot make light of sadnesses or the dark shadows they bring. Mice in the floorboards however, that's different! I am glad you feel the humanness.
Photographing dust motes seems a magic all its own, to notice and capture such beauty to share with us is such a gift Susie. I have been so full of cold and mucus this week, venturing outside has felt a chore, until I wrap up and actually do, and then I realise that I can finally breathe again. Your letters draw me into the winter cold to breathe and walk and notice. Yesterday at dusk, walking home up the lane with my own Suzie, the crows flew, on their way home too, calling each other to roost. It was a moment worth the biting cold. Sending love for a kinder week, for a humane departure of the mice, for a mind cleared of worry and freed of distraction xx
Dearest Emily, I do hope you're recovering from dreaded winter ailments, if not fully restored and feeling some the joy returning for the days to come. I think, no, no, I know we mums, who work a day job as well as our house and family jobs and animal jobs too, try to pack in far too much at Christmas and we always end by suffering somehow. I am too distracted by everything, lists, worries, fatigue... so much so that yesterday evening returning from some of the most difficult classes I have, I ran into the back of another car at traffic lights. I literally just dissolved into tears and although the lady's first reaction was anger, when she saw the state I was in she was very kind. Thank fully both cars still drove away but mine is limping terribly and very battered... its the last thing I need but lesson learnt. I hope. Although probably not!
I am literally counting the hours until Friday evening and school holidays, they can't come soon enough. I need to be in fresh bright air, counting crows and pigeons, having field conversations and hugging my daughter!
Take care sweet soul, keep breathing that good clean air, I send you love right back always. 💛xx
PS The mice have upped their game, organised a whole festival between the floorboards, I'm certain there is alcohol involved - they are raucous!
Oh no Susie! the car, the mice, I'm so sorry that your week had more trouble in store for you. But, just two more days and then freedom from school at least. Perhaps the mice should be inviting you to the festivities and sharing their alcohol! My daughter's only request for Christmas was a new bed, not a small ask, but one that we wanted to accommodate, so today, it has arrived and is clogging up the entire hallway in boxes, her old bed is in pieces in the living room and tonight will be fraught with unpacking and putting the new one together, so she has something to sleep on... I am still full of lurgy, I think I may have blown some of my grey matter out through my nose (and maybe my eyesockets too..), or possibly it's leaking out sideways and blocking up my ears. I had a meeting today that I have been dreading and although it was never going to be pleasant, at least it is now over. I am working Monday and Tuesday next week, but then I am off until 6th January. I am looking forward to the next couple of weeks, but also to returning to reality and a reduction in the chaos and overwhelm of this season, happy holidays! xx
Emily, thank you lovely, its the last thing I need but perhaps it was a sign to slow down before something worse happens, perhaps you need to stop and breathe for a moment too! If you can of course… your days sound even more chaotic than mine do… I think we both need to rest! Sending clam hugs and yes, happy holidays when yours arrive too! 💛xx
Susie, I know of the strange melancholy that creeps in and can not be explained. I can not bear to give it space on the page, but perhaps that is what it needs. Perhaps that is what I need. Thank you always for sharing you. 💕
Thank you dear Pamela, I know many people who find that melancholy hard to share or express I the written word and I don't know if my sharing is a good or a bad ploy to adopt but it is me and I think that is important. When I read between the lines in your letters, I can feel your emotions too... I also believe many people find comfort in knowing they are not alone in their hardships when they read of other peoples. It makes them feel less alone, less afraid even...💛x
Susie, I waiver some days on being able to express my melancholy or wanting to attempt to work past it. It’s a thin line this time of year. I feel the need to uplift others and myself most days, and maybe wallow less. It’s always in the undercurrent. I’m typically good at expressing my woe, I just feel the need to be quite and mull it’s source. It feels somewhat different from the usual. I so appreciate that you know and say what some of us feel so deeply. xoxo
I understand deeply those feelings, especially at this time of year when the joy of seasonal celebrations are utmost in everyones thoughts. What you share here on Substack is always uplifting and I in turn applaud you for such continuity of good will and sharing - It is needed and beautiful 🙏🏼
Right now feels as though the uplifting good will posts are much needed. One day I will dive deeper and surprise readers…
The word we use in our house for the well loved creatures in our life is "sploved," loved with a hint of something more.😍
I'm sorry to hear about your heartbreaking week. It's so hard to find a constructive way forward after learning such awful things. I'm glad that at least you had your hill and its animals to help you.
Sarah what a gorgeous word! 'Sploved' I just might have to begin using that for my woolly loves...
We all have weeks that are hard, days that reveal stories we don't want to necessarily learn, I think it is what we do with them that is important. For now I am still digesting the sad facts to find the right diagnosis... if indeed there is one.
I hope your week is kind to you - thank you again. x
Out of such turmoil comes such beauty - gorgeous writing, Susie
Many thank’s for reading Lynn, sometimes we learn things that we wish we could unlearn… a little, make that a lot, of something beautiful was necessary last week, it really was. X
Such beautiful writing and reflections here, Susie. I hope the holidays bring you some time to rest and recalibrate. Thank you for your mention, that was so kind of you. And congratulations for raising a son you are proud of. Nothing else truly matters.
Thank you Troy, you are very welcome.
I agree, nothing else really matters, our children are everything, more... I am lucky to have such an empathetic and sensitive son, he never stops making my heart feel full.
I so relate to your forgetful day. It always seems like those lapses happen in clusters of 5 or 6. I never just forget the keys, I forget the keys and lose my bank card and have to sit on the phone for 2 hours trying to change a flight. I feel like this happens even more during the holidays when I am not with all the people I love and then have to change plans at the last minute, etc.
Deirdre I totally agree and I am definitely getting worse... maybe life just gets busier and busier for us when it should be slowing down, there never seems to be much time anywhere for concentrating on important things - Yesterday I found my purse in the fridge!
First things first, my friend. I adore you!
No need to be coy or hold back, ...or fret that you ...or others might read it the wrong way.
I simply adore you.
Somehow in the midst of this week where all of these weights and doubts, and unwelcome visitors in your nighttime floor, and sullen sheep and forgotten identification cards have taken turns spinning you about, you have also been making beauty and reaching out across continents, making time to pay attention and make friendly fusses, and offer encouragements to others, including me.
We see you, thanks to your careful notes. We feel the kindness that simply cannot be faked, that you offer, whether to indignant sheep, or to us.
There is much that we cannot, need not know in detail, things weighing on you, welling up anxieties and fears. Would that we could wave a few of them away with our smiles of gratitude and good wishes.
We see you, dear Susie, see glimpses of an always complex and sometimes shadowy world as viewed in chill air on the muddy side of a hill with a most human magician.
You are adored for a hundred wonderful reasons and for several un-reasons.
I do hope you can feel that...
Dearest David, as I read this again, I am feeling not only your very humbling adoration but a glowing circle of warmth that you always weave into your comments...
I often wonder at the wisdom of baring all, of writing of the saddest hours as well as those that are bright. It is not everyone that will appreciate yet more weight when their own feels too much to carry, indeed, I have lost a good handful of subscribers in writing of such melancholies but we are nothing if we cannot be honest, not only with others but with ourselves - my heart is open, I wear it on my sleeve like that because I know of no other way.
Your words left me quiet and very touched, feeling the weight of their kindness settle into my heart. To be "adored for a hundred wonderful reasons and several un-reasons"—what a deeply human, perfectly imperfect, and utterly generous way to be seen. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so truly captured in words before.
The last days have left me spinning in a grey cloud, yet here I find myself steadied by your reflections. Knowing that even in my rather muddled efforts, there are glimpses of kindness and connection that reach you—it means the world.
I feel your gratitude across the distance, am holding onto them like warmth in the chill air of my hill. Thank you for seeing me, for offering this mirror of light when the shadows feel long.
Adored and adoring... 🙏🏼
I'm sorry something is disturbing you, and it sounds like it can't just go away...
Thanks Betty, not his little horror story is not going to go away, hopefully the shock will fade, the raw emotion too but what is done is done - it can't be changed.