Thank you darling, I felt the sleepless night, and I knew it was coming, would be best used in some way to try and help heal the reason for its existence. I’m not sure it worked entirely...
My poor Rambeau looked so terrified, not his usual face at all, it’s hard to erase that but I know it will fade in time... xxxx
Dearest Susie - we had a farm. I want you to know that I know these feelings. The fear. The heartache. The loss. There is nothing more you could have done and my heart is sore for you xx
Bless you Carole, I shouldn’t have been so shocked, sad yes, but I grew up in a sheep farm and know well the risks. I’ve seen this before though not my own flock and I think it was that feeling personal invasion that just so saddened me. And yes I felt/still feel guilty. It’s passing though… I’ll be ok, I am not certain I will replace them though. :-( ♥️xx
Dear God sweetheart, this will take time. Hugs and courage to you as you process this. Take a look at old photos of pup. I mean, daily. Over and over. Balance that shocking image now stuck in your memory with the better ones.
Thank you Caroline, strangely, today I was looking at old photos of my babes, it wasn’t deliberate, tears came and went again. It stirred beautiful memories and at least I have those… they were all my pups, they always will be. Bless your sweet soul for your thoughts and hugs.
Your words have been haunting me since I read them yesterday. The story so vivid and the pain so raw. We grieve in so many different ways, writing about it is the most poetic and heartfelt way sometimes..it will not give them back to you but it will keep them safe in your heart as they might not have been in the real world. All my admiration.
Huge thanks for your thoughtful and heartfelt words Antonella, I admit with tears still in my eyes, these have been some of the hardest days I’ve encountered in a long time. Perhaps I should count myself lucky for this... my life is a fortunate one despite hardships and sometimes we need a little reminder that sadness can befall us all. Sadly this is when we least anticipate it and this alone can cause deep heartache and self questioning. Certainly in this case...
I am relieved I found the strength to write, that I found a path to let the tears flow and in some small way the route to healing...
Again, my heartfelt thanks for you kind words - I send you my love ♥️x
Thank you Louise, truly loving energy is enough. Nothing changes what’s happened it always it helps to know that others understand the desperate loss and sadness... I wish you a wonderful weekend x
Thank you dear Elske, it was the only way I could think of to draw a line through the hideous scene. What a ghastly way to begin a week, a year even! 😔We are just trying to find a ewe to keep poor Sonny company, it’s not easy though... and he’s terribly disoriented, not surprisingly.
Oh my heart! I’m breaking in two as I read this. Your sacred, pastoral church slayed into violence. I cannot fathom how much ache you must be feeling. Reeling. Susie, the tender love and presence you bring to life, the daily nurturing, the mothering...this horror must feel like it’s a violence to the very fabric of your loving. Holding you in this sadness, this cruel reality, feeling myself wanting to weep too much so you don’t have to. I’m sorry dear friend. I want to erase events. And I want to erase all your questioning, the tendency to want to blame oneself—if only, if only—so the sweet wooly souls can lift you in your grief as they surrender to and acknowledge the way of things. ❤️
I’m so very late in replying Kimberly, I read this on Thursday evening, just after returning my poor missing boy to his cabin and breathing the tiniest part of a sigh of relief at having at least one safe sheep left.
Warmest heartfelt thanks for your love and gentle message, you don’t know, of course, how close to reality your words are… the meadow I keep/kept my sheep in is also my veggie patch, a strange fenced set up admittedly but it really was a sanctuary of green freshness, a place I could just be, with earth and sky, growing and gathering, a feeling, albeit temporary, of peace.
I’m trying not to believe it is gone, though in the immediate it feels too sad a place to ever feel that same calm.
Monday was cruel beyond anything I’ve ever known… grief is an unbearably heavy load to carry, this you know better than any, but it is designed to lighten… I am waiting for that day..
Oh Susie, I found it heart to 'like' your story! Of course like does not come into it. I was dreading reading down to a lower line.
How horrific. I tick the heart in empathy for your loss and with such brutal savageness of the wild, truly wild.
I know how much you loved them, how irreplaceable they are and how hard you worked to keep them fed and safe. This wolf is a wild mountain wolf I assume? Or is it a guard dog escaped from a nearby farm?
Belated thanks for love and hugs and your kind message Pipp, sadly it was a farm dog, a St Bernard, that caused such carnage in my field that morning. I could have forgiven a wolf… I truly could but not a family dog that lives on despite a trail of murderous activity.
What an utterly hellish week… I just hope it hasn’t set the tone for the whole year…?
Love back, I hope you have a lovely visit - I’m just about to read your last letter… xxx
I envisaged a white wolf I don’t know why. I got an image of scarlet on white fur. I think I was remembering the attack on our dog by the neighbour’s hound which apparently is a pure breed directly related to the wolf and scared me to death. My daughter (dogtrainer) says it surprises her, a St Bernard, she says it sounds more like an attack by a pack of dogs rather than one
Belated thanks Barrie, It was hard to write about but marginally less hard than not…
Recovery is progressing helped greatly by finding the missing ram. Now all I need to do is find him a friend, which is proving to be an almost impossible task… meanwhile poor Sonny is extremely malheureux and not afraid to let us know..!
Life in the country… it’s never boring is it!
I hope you’re enjoying your weekend, thank you so much again for a very enjoyable and calming chat! I hope it won’t be the last!
Oh Susie, I’m heartbroken for you. I’ve read and loved your words of your hill and your flock. I can’t believe the injustice and sorrow and words are not enough, never enough. 🖤
Hugely belated thanks Emily, it has been a week I’d rather forget admittedly and not the usual peaceful notes from my hill. I’m trying to banish the memories as fast as grief will allow so I may write again with a smile… 🙏🏽
Happy weekend lovely - thank you so much again for all your kind words of support ♥️🤗
Oh Susie! I am so sorry to read of this horrible bloodbath! It is truly the stuff of the very worst nightmares, especially as the ewes had foetuses. My heart goes out to you and your family. I remember your wonderful video of happy sheep, jumping through a summer field and your overflowing love for them. Sorry about your wonderful dog too.
Bless you Alex, it really was a most gruesome scene, thank goodness memories like that fade in time.
Someone managed to find my lost boy thank goodness, small mercy by comparison but better than not finding him at all which would have tortured my sleep even further… though he is terribly sad and in need of a friend which I cannot find…
I’m going to miss my ladies though, they were such gentle souls…💔
oh dear susie what a sad and distressing story you have to tell. i am so sorry. you and all the family are in my thoughts. sending you bon courage and a fervent hope that the ghastly vivid light of this scene will begin to fade before too long x
Thank you so much Clare, huge apologies for my horribly late reply, it’s been a horrible two weeks but visions of the carnage are disappearing bit by bit. We found Sonny and have given him to a friend to look after until we can find some new ladies to replace those lost. It’s sad to see my fields empty though…
Much love, I hope all is well with you and your loved ones xx
Susie, my heart races + weeps for your loss. Hard to imagine a St Bernard inflicting such horror !! Perhaps he’s rabid ?? Either way, I’m so terribly sorry for your loss, my friend.
Hugely belated thanks Tina, nobody can believe a St Bernard would reek such havoc here either but when the farmer feeds him whole raw carcass of piglet, I am not so surprised…
What a ghastly and sad start to the year, I’m praying it was just a blip… biggest love darling xxx
So good that you wrote this.
Glad also that you could at least say goodbye to Rambeau before he left you for sheep heaven.
g xxx
Thank you darling, I felt the sleepless night, and I knew it was coming, would be best used in some way to try and help heal the reason for its existence. I’m not sure it worked entirely...
My poor Rambeau looked so terrified, not his usual face at all, it’s hard to erase that but I know it will fade in time... xxxx
Dearest Susie - we had a farm. I want you to know that I know these feelings. The fear. The heartache. The loss. There is nothing more you could have done and my heart is sore for you xx
Bless you Carole, I shouldn’t have been so shocked, sad yes, but I grew up in a sheep farm and know well the risks. I’ve seen this before though not my own flock and I think it was that feeling personal invasion that just so saddened me. And yes I felt/still feel guilty. It’s passing though… I’ll be ok, I am not certain I will replace them though. :-( ♥️xx
So, so awful ... no words ... ❤️
It truly was Lynn, I’m still suffering nightmares, guilt too… my poor sheep. 💔
Thank you x
Dear God sweetheart, this will take time. Hugs and courage to you as you process this. Take a look at old photos of pup. I mean, daily. Over and over. Balance that shocking image now stuck in your memory with the better ones.
Thank you Caroline, strangely, today I was looking at old photos of my babes, it wasn’t deliberate, tears came and went again. It stirred beautiful memories and at least I have those… they were all my pups, they always will be. Bless your sweet soul for your thoughts and hugs.
I know he's not a literal pup, but in a way, he was to you.
Heartbreaking...the silence that sometimes is our friend sometimes is just so dreadful...
Your words have been haunting me since I read them yesterday. The story so vivid and the pain so raw. We grieve in so many different ways, writing about it is the most poetic and heartfelt way sometimes..it will not give them back to you but it will keep them safe in your heart as they might not have been in the real world. All my admiration.
Huge thanks for your thoughtful and heartfelt words Antonella, I admit with tears still in my eyes, these have been some of the hardest days I’ve encountered in a long time. Perhaps I should count myself lucky for this... my life is a fortunate one despite hardships and sometimes we need a little reminder that sadness can befall us all. Sadly this is when we least anticipate it and this alone can cause deep heartache and self questioning. Certainly in this case...
I am relieved I found the strength to write, that I found a path to let the tears flow and in some small way the route to healing...
Again, my heartfelt thanks for you kind words - I send you my love ♥️x
Heart wretching. And oh, so horrible for them and for you. Sending... what can one send? Loving energy.
Thank you Louise, truly loving energy is enough. Nothing changes what’s happened it always it helps to know that others understand the desperate loss and sadness... I wish you a wonderful weekend x
Dear Susie, I have no words...horrendous. You are so brave to put it into words. Thinking of you my friend X
Thank you dear Elske, it was the only way I could think of to draw a line through the hideous scene. What a ghastly way to begin a week, a year even! 😔We are just trying to find a ewe to keep poor Sonny company, it’s not easy though... and he’s terribly disoriented, not surprisingly.
Sending love to you as always xxx
💔 💔 💔
Thank you Anne, what a ghastly way to start the week... the year even!
Oh my heart! I’m breaking in two as I read this. Your sacred, pastoral church slayed into violence. I cannot fathom how much ache you must be feeling. Reeling. Susie, the tender love and presence you bring to life, the daily nurturing, the mothering...this horror must feel like it’s a violence to the very fabric of your loving. Holding you in this sadness, this cruel reality, feeling myself wanting to weep too much so you don’t have to. I’m sorry dear friend. I want to erase events. And I want to erase all your questioning, the tendency to want to blame oneself—if only, if only—so the sweet wooly souls can lift you in your grief as they surrender to and acknowledge the way of things. ❤️
I’m so very late in replying Kimberly, I read this on Thursday evening, just after returning my poor missing boy to his cabin and breathing the tiniest part of a sigh of relief at having at least one safe sheep left.
Warmest heartfelt thanks for your love and gentle message, you don’t know, of course, how close to reality your words are… the meadow I keep/kept my sheep in is also my veggie patch, a strange fenced set up admittedly but it really was a sanctuary of green freshness, a place I could just be, with earth and sky, growing and gathering, a feeling, albeit temporary, of peace.
I’m trying not to believe it is gone, though in the immediate it feels too sad a place to ever feel that same calm.
Monday was cruel beyond anything I’ve ever known… grief is an unbearably heavy load to carry, this you know better than any, but it is designed to lighten… I am waiting for that day..
with love sweet soul xx
Oh Susie, I found it heart to 'like' your story! Of course like does not come into it. I was dreading reading down to a lower line.
How horrific. I tick the heart in empathy for your loss and with such brutal savageness of the wild, truly wild.
I know how much you loved them, how irreplaceable they are and how hard you worked to keep them fed and safe. This wolf is a wild mountain wolf I assume? Or is it a guard dog escaped from a nearby farm?
lots of love and hugs
Belated thanks for love and hugs and your kind message Pipp, sadly it was a farm dog, a St Bernard, that caused such carnage in my field that morning. I could have forgiven a wolf… I truly could but not a family dog that lives on despite a trail of murderous activity.
What an utterly hellish week… I just hope it hasn’t set the tone for the whole year…?
Love back, I hope you have a lovely visit - I’m just about to read your last letter… xxx
I envisaged a white wolf I don’t know why. I got an image of scarlet on white fur. I think I was remembering the attack on our dog by the neighbour’s hound which apparently is a pure breed directly related to the wolf and scared me to death. My daughter (dogtrainer) says it surprises her, a St Bernard, she says it sounds more like an attack by a pack of dogs rather than one
Desperately sad news. So so sorry. Awful to witness and difficult to write about. Our thoughts are with you.
Belated thanks Barrie, It was hard to write about but marginally less hard than not…
Recovery is progressing helped greatly by finding the missing ram. Now all I need to do is find him a friend, which is proving to be an almost impossible task… meanwhile poor Sonny is extremely malheureux and not afraid to let us know..!
Life in the country… it’s never boring is it!
I hope you’re enjoying your weekend, thank you so much again for a very enjoyable and calming chat! I hope it won’t be the last!
Great news about Sonny! What a lift.
And, yes, let's chat again.
We're slowly winding down in front of the fire, aching after exercise!
Oh Susie, I’m heartbroken for you. I’ve read and loved your words of your hill and your flock. I can’t believe the injustice and sorrow and words are not enough, never enough. 🖤
Hugely belated thanks Emily, it has been a week I’d rather forget admittedly and not the usual peaceful notes from my hill. I’m trying to banish the memories as fast as grief will allow so I may write again with a smile… 🙏🏽
Happy weekend lovely - thank you so much again for all your kind words of support ♥️🤗
Oh Susie! I am so sorry to read of this horrible bloodbath! It is truly the stuff of the very worst nightmares, especially as the ewes had foetuses. My heart goes out to you and your family. I remember your wonderful video of happy sheep, jumping through a summer field and your overflowing love for them. Sorry about your wonderful dog too.
Sending love your way.
Bless you Alex, it really was a most gruesome scene, thank goodness memories like that fade in time.
Someone managed to find my lost boy thank goodness, small mercy by comparison but better than not finding him at all which would have tortured my sleep even further… though he is terribly sad and in need of a friend which I cannot find…
I’m going to miss my ladies though, they were such gentle souls…💔
Sending love always xxx
Absolutely heartbreaking. So incredibly sorry for your loss.
Hugely belated thanks Jodi, it’s been a horrible week but the shock is passing, albeit slowly.
Hoping for brighter days next week! 🙏🏽
oh dear susie what a sad and distressing story you have to tell. i am so sorry. you and all the family are in my thoughts. sending you bon courage and a fervent hope that the ghastly vivid light of this scene will begin to fade before too long x
Thank you so much Clare, huge apologies for my horribly late reply, it’s been a horrible two weeks but visions of the carnage are disappearing bit by bit. We found Sonny and have given him to a friend to look after until we can find some new ladies to replace those lost. It’s sad to see my fields empty though…
Much love, I hope all is well with you and your loved ones xx
Susie, my heart races + weeps for your loss. Hard to imagine a St Bernard inflicting such horror !! Perhaps he’s rabid ?? Either way, I’m so terribly sorry for your loss, my friend.
Hugely belated thanks Tina, nobody can believe a St Bernard would reek such havoc here either but when the farmer feeds him whole raw carcass of piglet, I am not so surprised…
What a ghastly and sad start to the year, I’m praying it was just a blip… biggest love darling xxx