Belated comment, Susie. Somehow this post was "Lost in inbox".
I so feel for you. "I have been tormenting myself recently—and frequently—with the chaotic manner in which I post my newsletters to you; trying to maintain any regularity of day or time or design seems to be far beyond the reach of my equally chaotic life." -- this is me each and every week. I ride an undulating wave of joy and anxiety and torment about writing and posting and staying afloat on Substack whilst doing all the other things in my life. It is not easy. Sometimes routine is in having no set routine.
I also feel you with the whole driving experience. I hate the city traffic and often prefer to ride my bike or take public transport, so when I do have to drive somewhere then I tend to get a bit flustered, especially if it involves (urgh) having to park in the city!
Nathan my comments get later and later... never worry, just thank you for being here.
Aaagh! This is a frequent sound from me as I try/fail to sit for the 100th time in a week to write something (that isn't immediately deleted) or just catch up with a few (horribly belated) posts or comments - I sometimes feel like writing on Substack is another part time job! I have no idea how anyone else manages to read and make a thousand comments in Notes and write a brilliant post every week on top? All I can say is, I'm green with envy!
I am relieved to read I am not alone in my fear of city driving, thank goodness! I have become something of a comedy show, I'm not proud but it isn't something I can change although I would challenge a city driver on country lanes any day, its a whole different art! 😂
Ah, the roundabouts. I remember them being a challenge when I lived in Spain. Ah, being late for appointments when “life” gets in your way. Ah, tiny courgettes and sheep and heavy raindrops and those moments that make the roundabouts and appointments worth dealing with.
Dear Susie, I sit in the passenger seat of your aged VW wishing I could help and so relieved to learn appointments were running late, I breathe such a sigh of relief. I help gather the tiny courgettes with you and marvel at their perfect beauty. I can smell their goodness and feel the rough sandpapery leaves. I am a little behind as we return to your cozy kitchen and fat droplets of rain plop heavy and cool into my hair and clothes. I breathe in the warm aroma of chocolate and hazelnut and watch the storm in awe, cosy and safe with a large mug of tea, sat at your kitchen table listening to the thunder and rain and marvelling at the lightening ⚡️🍂🍁🤎 thank you for writing to us and never worry that any apology is necessary for when and how you share your beautiful heart and beautiful words ✨
I could comment on the many turns of phrase that captured me, the images that carried me to another place, the felt sense of countless moments in just this one essay, but what I wish to share is how stirring and profound is your presence to every precious moment, even as you say that time slips through your fingers all too quickly.
Thank you ever so for including my letter in this letter from you.
My daughter is one of those lucky people also Fotini, but she lives in a city with a huge infrastructure, has no need of a car and is a thousand times more streetwise than I have ever been! I am thankful, at least, my trips to a city are few, walking g on my hill is far more pleasurable! 💚
Oh, honey!!! I wanted to squeeze you when I read about your medical appointment! I have a feeling I know exactly how you are with children and how, in some moments, we can become someone so utterly different when we are outside our comfort zone.
I am thrilled you followed this with more calm beauty that exists on your hill and in your heart to share with us all. There is nothing like a stroll through Nature!! So lovely!! Thanks for sharing. XO
All squeezes happily accepted Danielle, thank you lovely one. I am a hopeless case in a city... a fish out of water, every effort to blend into the crowds just feels like drowning and every year older I become the less capable I am of coping. A direct result of living so rurally for so many years, though this is a fact for which I am very thankful. Returning, is never a disappointment, always a relief to breathe fresh air and be alone again...
I hope your weekend is filled with wonder, sunshine, some time for you and smiles xxoxx
Belated thanks dear JoAnna, I am thinking of you as we enter these more sombre, moody months of the year that I know you love so well... despite that here, still, the air is warm and the sun huge in a clear blue sky the like of which we haven't seen all summer... I am soaking up the goodness for surely it will not last too long...? I send a warm sunny hug to you, there is plenty to spare xx
Vivid pictures painted of contrasting worlds. Without a car, we enter cities by train and always take a moment to gather ourselves. Next year I am cycling from Scotland to Portugal and I know I shall be happiest in the remote spots! It’s the same here in France … we squirrel ourselves away - JoJo has been visiting doctors for checks on this and that and it’s always in modern add ons to towns and cities, all designed not to be found. We have some of that to do on Monday and we feel the ‘clash of civilisations’ in your descriptions.
As to routine, just write when you write and send when you’re ready. We’ll all read when we see it, taking each beautiful gift of words at the moment of giving.
I totally agree: "write when you write and send when you're ready. We'll all read when we see it." Don't let schedules and "shoulds" crush your creativity.
Thank you Sarah, it seems I have no choice but to follow your advice... the anxiety caused by worrying about 'when and how often' is not conducive to creative output at all... Que sera, sera! May your week be wonderful!
I think adapting to our surroundings is a human nature we are either good at or not, like maths or sciences or the arts, few of us are expert at everything... technology can help but of course one has to then be adept in the use of this also... I am not that person. However, I have a sneaking suspicion, we two (or four) being born in the month that we are, have the enviable ability of blending more easily than many. When we have a desire to do so... and here lies my dilemma! I rarely want to venture into a city anymore, despite having lived in Brighton, Sydney and Manchester for many years through my life, its become a 'been there, done that' scenario which I have no need to visit again and I despise, more than anything, necessity to do so due to health problems - but there lies a whole other reply!
I'm rambling... apologies - Scotland to Portugal Barrie, that's quite some cycle ride, I am impressed even at the thought of such an adventure! How long will that take you?
Regarding routine... hmmm, I think I must accept, at least until retirement, that there will be none - it is an impossible task to adhere to and for my own inner calm, I shouldn't try.
Many thanks as always for your thoughtful reply, I do hope you're basking in glorious sunshine as we have been these last few days... enjoy!
We are knee deep in mist and fog. I was expecting sunshine to coincide with the final pen strokes on our newsletter. The work is done but the fog lingers. Still, I have grass to cut.
Like you, we have tired of city life despite thriving in it during the work years. I guess much of that is the way cities steal the intentionality we choose, the way we are moulded to the ways of others, made to behave like the herd. I don’t like that.
And cycling … when I turned 50 I ran a marathon … I want to mark 60 with a celebration of movement and a willingness to explore, to cross borders, to stay curious. I thought about camping, but it’s a long way to drag my old bones so a bed and a shower every night is non-negotiable. The rest was about weaving in purpose … I was born in Forres (so a good start) and JoJo will be in Faro. It defined itself. I’ll try and raise a few pennies for charity, I imagine, and relish the endeavour.
Your writing is so absolutely beautiful; I'm moved by this post.
I couldn't help but thinking that we are so different, you and I: for you, a drive into Rodez is a stressful foray into a city, whereas I'm always regretting that I don't have more time to get "into town." Yet I always feel a connection when I read your posts.
As for writing frequency, personally I never notice. I suppose if you've promised something in particular to paid subscribers, it's better to keep good on that promise, but otherwise I would just say "go with the flow," because what you write flows so well.
Belated thanks for your lovely reply Betty, are you settled back into your French life again? I have my daughter with me this weekend (with the sunshine) which feels like a huge treat. Despite the fact she is only in Toulouse, both our lives are full and we see each other only once every few months - she is always so glad to be home and I'm so glad to have her...
I think it is often the case that opposing characters can appreciate a connection in the others likes and dislikes, joys and fears... its that which draws them/us together. Usually, once I am in the city, no matter which, I feel more at ease, it is the getting there and the navigating of cars and people (and unexpected diversions never marked on the GPS) that send me into blind panic! In December I will drive to Toulouse, I'm already fretting!
I am trying to not stress about posting frequency, it is a pointless exercise which serves only to delay further... and, I don't want this to feel like work after all, this is supposed to be for pleasure right?
have a gorgeous weekend - can you believe this weather! 💛xx
"I take the track curling through the tall ash trees. I do this twice a day, having stolen maintained this small woodland for almost four years I want every square metre of its earth, rock, tree and plant to know I have loved it." 💚
Many thanks dear Elske, I hope you are well and smiling... we have late autumn sunshine here, it welcomes my daughter home for a long weekend and we are ecstatic after so so much rain.... my hill is smiling! Sending love xxx
I felt like I was in the passenger seat with you as I read this today. The frenetic pulse of the city never gets easier and like you, I avoid it as much as I can. There’s a comedy to how you write this though and while I shared the prickles of skin, I also imagined your urban event would’ve made a great sketch in a Monty Python film: rural dame navigates city round-a-bouts for days until she finally parks on the grassy curb and abandons her car for good.😂
Oh what a relief to then return with you to say goodnight to the sheep and your endlessly renewing hill. 💛
Kimberly, every trip I take to the city - thank goodness they are few - is like a Monty Python sketch, a foregone conclusion the moment I leave the quiet of my home on this hill. The panic and trembling, the prickles multiply a thousandfold ( the reason for this particular visit in the first place) the rural dame becomes helpless, all sense of direction deserts her, BP is rising, heart rate too, even her car seems to have a mind of its own!
It is comical... although tears are more prolific than the laughter until she is safely on country lanes again... 😌
I get worse every time, which really doesn't help the reason for being there in the first place but oh I am grateful for my sheep and they soft scented woolly love! X
Oh gosh, I feel the same as you when I have to, thank God not often, venture into a large city. I wish I could drive through with my eyes closed. That would be something eh? I'm grateful for my wonderful sanctuary, embracing me daily within it's peacefulness and beauty. I am at home! Love n Light my sweet SS. xoxo
Thank you sweetie, I know well you feel the same... that the silence of nature calls far more loudly to you than any city hustle and bustle... I think we have adapted to our surroundings so efficiently we no longer need the strange and the new... and certainly not the crowds and the noise!
Love and light and fresh clean air always - love you loads xoxox
Belated thanks Jo, (my daughter arrived for a long weekend - oh the joy!) it is always a relief to arrive home but none more so than when a trips to the city are behind me... I hope your weekend is as beautiful as mine is 💛xx
Philip, as always my thanks for your thoughtful reply, belatedly so because my daughter arrived with the sunshine, both are smiling and the days have been filled...
I will always be happier with a paper roads, the folds impossible to return to but the sense of adventure endless... modern has passed me by, though I cannot deny its efficiency when functioning under the hands of one who knows.
I wish you smiles this first weekend in November my friend...
Belated comment, Susie. Somehow this post was "Lost in inbox".
I so feel for you. "I have been tormenting myself recently—and frequently—with the chaotic manner in which I post my newsletters to you; trying to maintain any regularity of day or time or design seems to be far beyond the reach of my equally chaotic life." -- this is me each and every week. I ride an undulating wave of joy and anxiety and torment about writing and posting and staying afloat on Substack whilst doing all the other things in my life. It is not easy. Sometimes routine is in having no set routine.
I also feel you with the whole driving experience. I hate the city traffic and often prefer to ride my bike or take public transport, so when I do have to drive somewhere then I tend to get a bit flustered, especially if it involves (urgh) having to park in the city!
Nathan my comments get later and later... never worry, just thank you for being here.
Aaagh! This is a frequent sound from me as I try/fail to sit for the 100th time in a week to write something (that isn't immediately deleted) or just catch up with a few (horribly belated) posts or comments - I sometimes feel like writing on Substack is another part time job! I have no idea how anyone else manages to read and make a thousand comments in Notes and write a brilliant post every week on top? All I can say is, I'm green with envy!
I am relieved to read I am not alone in my fear of city driving, thank goodness! I have become something of a comedy show, I'm not proud but it isn't something I can change although I would challenge a city driver on country lanes any day, its a whole different art! 😂
Have a great weekend!
It's really does start to feel like a part time job! 😄
Have a great weekend too!
Ah, the roundabouts. I remember them being a challenge when I lived in Spain. Ah, being late for appointments when “life” gets in your way. Ah, tiny courgettes and sheep and heavy raindrops and those moments that make the roundabouts and appointments worth dealing with.
Thank you for this post, dear Susie.
Dear Susie, I sit in the passenger seat of your aged VW wishing I could help and so relieved to learn appointments were running late, I breathe such a sigh of relief. I help gather the tiny courgettes with you and marvel at their perfect beauty. I can smell their goodness and feel the rough sandpapery leaves. I am a little behind as we return to your cozy kitchen and fat droplets of rain plop heavy and cool into my hair and clothes. I breathe in the warm aroma of chocolate and hazelnut and watch the storm in awe, cosy and safe with a large mug of tea, sat at your kitchen table listening to the thunder and rain and marvelling at the lightening ⚡️🍂🍁🤎 thank you for writing to us and never worry that any apology is necessary for when and how you share your beautiful heart and beautiful words ✨
Susie,
I could comment on the many turns of phrase that captured me, the images that carried me to another place, the felt sense of countless moments in just this one essay, but what I wish to share is how stirring and profound is your presence to every precious moment, even as you say that time slips through your fingers all too quickly.
Thank you ever so for including my letter in this letter from you.
With love,
Renée
Sometimes I feel lucky that I never got a driver's licence -- yes, I am one of those :) I feel you, dear Susie. 💛
My daughter is one of those lucky people also Fotini, but she lives in a city with a huge infrastructure, has no need of a car and is a thousand times more streetwise than I have ever been! I am thankful, at least, my trips to a city are few, walking g on my hill is far more pleasurable! 💚
Your hill is far more pleasurable for sure :)
💚
Oh, honey!!! I wanted to squeeze you when I read about your medical appointment! I have a feeling I know exactly how you are with children and how, in some moments, we can become someone so utterly different when we are outside our comfort zone.
I am thrilled you followed this with more calm beauty that exists on your hill and in your heart to share with us all. There is nothing like a stroll through Nature!! So lovely!! Thanks for sharing. XO
All squeezes happily accepted Danielle, thank you lovely one. I am a hopeless case in a city... a fish out of water, every effort to blend into the crowds just feels like drowning and every year older I become the less capable I am of coping. A direct result of living so rurally for so many years, though this is a fact for which I am very thankful. Returning, is never a disappointment, always a relief to breathe fresh air and be alone again...
I hope your weekend is filled with wonder, sunshine, some time for you and smiles xxoxx
I’m really with you on this, Susie: “—I like very much that when the wind blows, one side of me stays warm, I wonder if trees feel the same—“ ❣️
Belated thanks dear JoAnna, I am thinking of you as we enter these more sombre, moody months of the year that I know you love so well... despite that here, still, the air is warm and the sun huge in a clear blue sky the like of which we haven't seen all summer... I am soaking up the goodness for surely it will not last too long...? I send a warm sunny hug to you, there is plenty to spare xx
Enjoy it while it lasts sweetie! I’m enjoying the beautiful autumn colours and am hoping for a few foggy mornings 🍂🍁✨
Vivid pictures painted of contrasting worlds. Without a car, we enter cities by train and always take a moment to gather ourselves. Next year I am cycling from Scotland to Portugal and I know I shall be happiest in the remote spots! It’s the same here in France … we squirrel ourselves away - JoJo has been visiting doctors for checks on this and that and it’s always in modern add ons to towns and cities, all designed not to be found. We have some of that to do on Monday and we feel the ‘clash of civilisations’ in your descriptions.
As to routine, just write when you write and send when you’re ready. We’ll all read when we see it, taking each beautiful gift of words at the moment of giving.
I totally agree: "write when you write and send when you're ready. We'll all read when we see it." Don't let schedules and "shoulds" crush your creativity.
Thank you Sarah, it seems I have no choice but to follow your advice... the anxiety caused by worrying about 'when and how often' is not conducive to creative output at all... Que sera, sera! May your week be wonderful!
💛✍️💛
I think adapting to our surroundings is a human nature we are either good at or not, like maths or sciences or the arts, few of us are expert at everything... technology can help but of course one has to then be adept in the use of this also... I am not that person. However, I have a sneaking suspicion, we two (or four) being born in the month that we are, have the enviable ability of blending more easily than many. When we have a desire to do so... and here lies my dilemma! I rarely want to venture into a city anymore, despite having lived in Brighton, Sydney and Manchester for many years through my life, its become a 'been there, done that' scenario which I have no need to visit again and I despise, more than anything, necessity to do so due to health problems - but there lies a whole other reply!
I'm rambling... apologies - Scotland to Portugal Barrie, that's quite some cycle ride, I am impressed even at the thought of such an adventure! How long will that take you?
Regarding routine... hmmm, I think I must accept, at least until retirement, that there will be none - it is an impossible task to adhere to and for my own inner calm, I shouldn't try.
Many thanks as always for your thoughtful reply, I do hope you're basking in glorious sunshine as we have been these last few days... enjoy!
We are knee deep in mist and fog. I was expecting sunshine to coincide with the final pen strokes on our newsletter. The work is done but the fog lingers. Still, I have grass to cut.
Like you, we have tired of city life despite thriving in it during the work years. I guess much of that is the way cities steal the intentionality we choose, the way we are moulded to the ways of others, made to behave like the herd. I don’t like that.
And cycling … when I turned 50 I ran a marathon … I want to mark 60 with a celebration of movement and a willingness to explore, to cross borders, to stay curious. I thought about camping, but it’s a long way to drag my old bones so a bed and a shower every night is non-negotiable. The rest was about weaving in purpose … I was born in Forres (so a good start) and JoJo will be in Faro. It defined itself. I’ll try and raise a few pennies for charity, I imagine, and relish the endeavour.
I can’t think of a better way to mark your 60th Barrie - do keep us posted on the charity links please.🙏🏽
Thanks 🙏
Your writing is so absolutely beautiful; I'm moved by this post.
I couldn't help but thinking that we are so different, you and I: for you, a drive into Rodez is a stressful foray into a city, whereas I'm always regretting that I don't have more time to get "into town." Yet I always feel a connection when I read your posts.
As for writing frequency, personally I never notice. I suppose if you've promised something in particular to paid subscribers, it's better to keep good on that promise, but otherwise I would just say "go with the flow," because what you write flows so well.
Belated thanks for your lovely reply Betty, are you settled back into your French life again? I have my daughter with me this weekend (with the sunshine) which feels like a huge treat. Despite the fact she is only in Toulouse, both our lives are full and we see each other only once every few months - she is always so glad to be home and I'm so glad to have her...
I think it is often the case that opposing characters can appreciate a connection in the others likes and dislikes, joys and fears... its that which draws them/us together. Usually, once I am in the city, no matter which, I feel more at ease, it is the getting there and the navigating of cars and people (and unexpected diversions never marked on the GPS) that send me into blind panic! In December I will drive to Toulouse, I'm already fretting!
I am trying to not stress about posting frequency, it is a pointless exercise which serves only to delay further... and, I don't want this to feel like work after all, this is supposed to be for pleasure right?
have a gorgeous weekend - can you believe this weather! 💛xx
"I take the track curling through the tall ash trees. I do this twice a day, having stolen maintained this small woodland for almost four years I want every square metre of its earth, rock, tree and plant to know I have loved it." 💚
Thank you, always Darren... 💚
Bless the paradise on your hill...well done! ;)
Many thanks dear Elske, I hope you are well and smiling... we have late autumn sunshine here, it welcomes my daughter home for a long weekend and we are ecstatic after so so much rain.... my hill is smiling! Sending love xxx
I felt like I was in the passenger seat with you as I read this today. The frenetic pulse of the city never gets easier and like you, I avoid it as much as I can. There’s a comedy to how you write this though and while I shared the prickles of skin, I also imagined your urban event would’ve made a great sketch in a Monty Python film: rural dame navigates city round-a-bouts for days until she finally parks on the grassy curb and abandons her car for good.😂
Oh what a relief to then return with you to say goodnight to the sheep and your endlessly renewing hill. 💛
Kimberly, every trip I take to the city - thank goodness they are few - is like a Monty Python sketch, a foregone conclusion the moment I leave the quiet of my home on this hill. The panic and trembling, the prickles multiply a thousandfold ( the reason for this particular visit in the first place) the rural dame becomes helpless, all sense of direction deserts her, BP is rising, heart rate too, even her car seems to have a mind of its own!
It is comical... although tears are more prolific than the laughter until she is safely on country lanes again... 😌
I get worse every time, which really doesn't help the reason for being there in the first place but oh I am grateful for my sheep and they soft scented woolly love! X
Oh gosh, I feel the same as you when I have to, thank God not often, venture into a large city. I wish I could drive through with my eyes closed. That would be something eh? I'm grateful for my wonderful sanctuary, embracing me daily within it's peacefulness and beauty. I am at home! Love n Light my sweet SS. xoxo
Thank you sweetie, I know well you feel the same... that the silence of nature calls far more loudly to you than any city hustle and bustle... I think we have adapted to our surroundings so efficiently we no longer need the strange and the new... and certainly not the crowds and the noise!
Love and light and fresh clean air always - love you loads xoxox
It felt good to arrive home Susie to chestnuts and chocolate and rain. A relief after the chaos and clamour of the first of your diversions. ❤️
Belated thanks Jo, (my daughter arrived for a long weekend - oh the joy!) it is always a relief to arrive home but none more so than when a trips to the city are behind me... I hope your weekend is as beautiful as mine is 💛xx
Country Bumpkin elegance that's it!
Its the best its ever going to get! 🤷🏻♀️
Lost and found, lost and found, phew!
"... onto roads I had no idea even existed"
... parallel realities .... surfaces ... modern mapping ... such is abstract unknowing, but am glad for your open eyes.
"with the confidence of a shrew" ... I will remember that ... the busy life below the radar, with its own co-incidences is good ground.
Philip, as always my thanks for your thoughtful reply, belatedly so because my daughter arrived with the sunshine, both are smiling and the days have been filled...
I will always be happier with a paper roads, the folds impossible to return to but the sense of adventure endless... modern has passed me by, though I cannot deny its efficiency when functioning under the hands of one who knows.
I wish you smiles this first weekend in November my friend...