Oh Susie! What a post. I was on the edge of my seat through all of this, feeling it with you and my heart aching for you! I know similar stories from my parents about the destruction of a herd of cows as they live in the countryside and have cows surrounding them (not their own).
"My husband does not like cows, unless they are winked at by fire and lay bloody on his plate." -- I know I shouldn't quote something that hinges upon a sentence around lack of sympathy for your plight by your husband, but this was a deft and clever sentence!
Can I ask where your daughter is? You will have mentioned it before but I have forgotten, sorry. I hope you get to see her soon.
Despite the destruction you detail, you create something marvellous in the recounting. You are truly gifted.
Cows are hell when they escape, I'm sure your parents will say the same thing... and still I adore them! I guess I'm not for learning...
No apology necessary for pulling that line Nathan, it is a truth I live with, sometimes grudgingly admittedly but often with mirth; secretly I think he fears the bovine race, but we will keep that between you and I.
My daughter is but a mere two hours away in Toulouse by car, but my work schedule both here at home and in class is so overloaded I never have a full day to take a quick trip down and right now she is studying for her finals so has no time to return either. She will be home for Easter, we are both counting days!
Thank you so much for taking time from your own precious free minutes to read and comment this, I wish I could create extra hours in the day for us both!
Nothing I can say will make things better for you, Susie. Sitting comfortably in my urban kitchen, never adored with such softness as yours, all I can do is, think of you with love and respect. 🖤
I am glad my dear friend, to be touched by love and respect coming from you, comfortable in your kitchen is enough... more than enough - I send love back, from my own comfortable place this evening - because now, I can! 🙏🏼♥️
Comfort is as nebulous as the clouds Fotini, I take it when offered, cherish its warmth then bow to the inevitable chill it leaves when gone - this week has been very changeable but I am accustomed to its moods now… xx
Susie! Whoever had the notion that men run this world is terribly mistaken. Your fortitude married with compassion is legendary and maybe, now I wonder, ancestral? An entire lineage of fiercely loving women stand behind you—may you feel buoyed by their strength in the wildest of storms. And boy do they come at you with force!
Kimberly you are an angel, you make me feel invincible with your kind thoughts.
I am simply relieved to know that somewhere within my absolute depletion of energy or coherent thought I was able to conjure necessary strength both physically and emotionally to ensure, my loved ones at least, were safe... it is no more and no less than any other woman would have done presented with such a need - we have reserves of resilience and immense stamina for just such situations, all of us!
I may just beg - with a little prayer to whichever god is in command of these things - at least a few days to recover before the next battle commences! xx
oh Susie! I feel exhausted for you. All of this - the wind, the destruction by the cows on your hard worked garden, your husband who sits there waiting for his food.....
So many people I know who own idyllic pieces of land are constantly lamenting the work involved. Never ending mowing and weed eating in summer, the money needed to make it all work etc etc. Many of them have sold up and moved to easier abodes that free up their time for other things they love. I wonder though, what would you do with all that time? In a sense, it feels like you are in your element - in the elements! And then you alchemise and process the experience through your wonderful writing! ❤️ Ps I hear you on the daughter front. Luckily my Eva is only 3.5 hrs away - I had to make an emergency visit last weekend for a hug after 5 weeks apart. May the wind stop blowing, your husband offer a helping interested hand, and your beautiful daughter come to visit. ❤️
Hi Jo, the wind has at last silenced its incessant howling and hubby is helping with the repairs, possibly because he knows he has a far better hand where carpentry is concerned and the time to do it but I'm not complaining!
Many people give up on the idillic life they've dreamed of and planned out in meticulous detail, or so they thought, for exactly the reasons you state, I know of many too. They have little idea of the work involved, the leisure time they must give up to make it work, no more evenings out in town, no restaurants, no cinema, theatre or shows, its mud and muck and weeds all the way, broken nails, sunburnt nose and tangled hair, filthy clothes which may or may not have once been designer made and elegant, it no longer matters because nobody sees them any more anyway! Its tough but damn its beautiful too, you know me well, I wouldn't change it for anything else, ever... not even for well behaved cows!
My daughter is a bare 2 hours away, usually I see her every six weeks, its bearable, just, but she has final exams this year and is head down studying, I am under strict orders... she will be here at Easter but I must wait, so wait I will, not without heartache and longing though as you are discovering with your own. I wish you a beautiful week, autumn must be closing in for you now? ♥️xx
I have, too, a favorite student who now, many years later, moved near me for a job, just got promoted big time and will be moving back to Manhattan. Susie, you got me right in my heart with this essay.
I am always happy to touch heartstrings Mary - A favourite student who returned to you, this gives me such hope. Though he is but a small boy, we had/have formed a very strong bond - I will pray for future reunions! x
When you care for someone, when you see them and begin to grok something of the shape of them, their wiring and sensibilities, the last thing you could ever want is to somehow add to the load of burdens they are already carrying, ...struggling to carry.
So brave.
“It is three months since I have had female company in my kitchen. I am nostalgic with longing; I miss soft, I miss being understood, I miss gentle words, I miss my daughter.
‘Soon’ she tells me. I hope soon is soon enough.”
I read this and am achey with you. For you.
And this atop the fact that already this morning I have read such considered and generous words, written and delivered by you. To me. A thoughtful, empathic note to punctuate a story I’ve attempted.
Then further, reading the comments that this most recent tale of yours has generated from other readers, I see many more instances of your generosity and endurance. You make such effort to see and offer comfort to others, to speak to their concerns, to notice their empathetic attentions.
Such effort to do right by the non-human creatures in your care.
How then to write a note to someone I admire as much as I admire you, but in a way that requires nothing taxing of you, in reply? I sit with that, mull it around in my head for an hour, uncertain how to proceed...
Perhaps simplest is best, I decide.
Go ahead, send your note, along with a simple request:
“Just tap the heart to let me know you’ve read it, my friend. Nothing more. No thank yous or generous acknowledgements, no time spent in thoughtful reply. You are a magician with those currencies, but just now, just this once, bank those minutes such kindness would cost. Use them to sleep. To walk. To make another one of those magical pictures that feed your soul. Our souls."
There will be time to speak further, later. For now, just lean in, sigh, miss your daughter, allow yourself to see how brave and how weary you are. Cry as long as you want. Trust us to read between the lines.
Dearest David, No long thoughtful reply, but, I cannot tap that little heart without first telling you, on this of all days - when I have succumbed to fatigue absolute, called my work colleagues with culpable regret to advise of my absence - how deeply touched I am at your reading between the levity of my words. I am crying great tears of gratitude my friend. My thanks seem paltry in return but they are truly heartfelt.
Oh Susie-- I don't know how you found the energy to rescue the sheep and chickens from such chaos -- love, of course, but I feel the exhaustion caught in its heart strings. And your daughter -- I was last in one daughter's kitchen in January - oh, so briefly, another I have not seen in real life since the beginning of January 2024. No female friend or relative in my own kitchen since a brief visit from a dear friend last October. And I had not realised this -- much to ponder and sending lots of love x
Today I caved, my utterly exhausted state was incapable of anything more than a phone call to apologise for my absence in class - it is a rare day but it was necessary.
Oh Jan, that is a long, long time, my heart breaks for you..I want to drive over right now and remedy at least the having a friend in your kitchen, though it is little different here now that I think of it either! This French life, no matter that we love what it gives, no matter that we are fortunate in so many ways we could never have imagined, is hard on family ties, on daughters and sons, on the giving and receiving of much missed loving hugs...
Your words of exhaustion play in the realism of the read. I feel heavy footsteps and the sufferfest that comes with simply pulling on a coat because these things are required. The cows, they arrive with their little minds, tangle their own feet in a spirited chaos and leave the remnants behind. These things, I see with your words.
Stacy, a heartfelt thank you for feeling between the lines, if had had written without levity the extent of my utter misery, I fear it would have read more like a tragedy. Worse things happen... and of course, I can smile about it now, this is the countryside, cows escape, fields are raided and fences broken - often! I will ask politely if they may consider waiting until a day when I am more capable physically and emotionally of dealing with the aftermath though...
Gossamer threads remain broken but more are being constructed as I type - always a silver lining xx
Thank you dear Louise, it is slow work as I have classes all day and the ground is too wet to approach in the necessary vehicle for repairs, we need to replace posts which means standing on the pick-up bed to sledge them in, five were literally demolished by the herd. The sheep are safe though behind inelegant wire for the time being.
and as of this evening the cattle are back in their field... heaven knows where they disappeared to but its taken the farmer four days to track them down... I imagine he was extremely worried. Perhaps he may think about putting up decent fencing himself in future?
All hugs gratefully received, they help the heart immensely - bless you 🙏🏼xx
Having once had stray cows dancing on a small patch of soft ground, mercifully not the garden, I feel for you even without the fatigue, the wind, the indifferent males. And for your woodland lane and spring flowers. Take care of yourself Susie.
Kindest thanks Michelle, I should be used to such invasions by now, they are always so devastating though and never expected, least of all on an evening when fatigue is so debilitating. The woodland lane was my biggest sadness, it will take years for the edges to regrow as they were... I couldn't help the tears the following morning in the broad light of day. I hope the week is being kind to you, that spring is showing its colours too.. xx
I found my self welling up Susie overwhelmed with feelings of your love for your daughter and the lovely wee student. I hope all has calmed down, trust that the flowers will come up through the cows rampaging hoof prints, quiet will be restored, sleep will restore you too. Sending love from a peninsula in Scotland to you on your hill.
Sweetest heartfelt thanks Sarah, I cannot deny feeling overwhelmed that day too... sadly one cannot ask of cows that they hold back on rampaging woodland paths and sheepfolds for days that are more suited to the owners... although perhaps I may try, just in case they are planning a repeat!
I am counting the days to Easter and my daughters return, it feels like a long wait but time passes so quickly when filled with all the excitement of spring. There is always something to occupy me - it helps.
I hope spring is showing signs of movement on your Scottish peninsula, today I found the first cowslips and stitchwort - sure signs that winter is over. I send a poise of each with a hug back to you xx
I'm thinking that your relationship with this farmer are frosty at best? He is responsible for the damage done to your property, as I'm sure you know. Will you just leave things at that?
Its complicated Betty, isn't it always! This farmer is the son of the first people we met when we moved here. His mother was the English teacher in the school I now work in and gave us immense and much appreciated guidance with all things administrative when we arrived. In the last two years both she and her husband have undergone life threatening medical procedures due to ill health and early last year, her son too, the owner of the cattle, had a stroke which has left him exhausted. He has not worked properly since, relying on help from other members of the family. I just don't have the heart to ask for compensation of any type, Hubby can knock top a gate faster than I can type this and I will repair the fences, we will say no more. Its life in the country when surrounded by farmland and cows. It isn't the first time and I doubt it will be the last either...
Oh my goodness Susie, what windswept and chaotic weekend! I am relieved that sheep and hens were found safe despite their unexpected visitors but oh, the clean up and fixing. My heart is with you. I find myself always worrying over the clearing up of things after the chaos.
Your student, though now unexpectedly distant will carry a piece of your heart with them and you will carry a piece of theirs. Sending love x
If the whole scene had been filmed Emily I think it may have qualified as another in the Carry On Laughing series, one ridiculous disaster after another! Of course, I can say that in hindsight only... the sense of doom and disaster at the time was far from funny! We all survived though, worse things happen but yes, the clear up and repairs are very much the opposite. In the harsh light of day it looks like Armageddon in my little patch of woodland and the fencing, still only temporarily repaired, more like a line of scrap metal and poles from a junkyard. It is what it is, nobody died although I am not having good thoughts about the farmer who's fencing is still not repaired either...
And my little angel... oh how I miss him - I hope he remembers me as I will remember him,🥲
I hope your week is treating you well lovely one, that spring days are abundant! lots of love 💛xx
I am sure he will remember you… after all, “I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”… Maya Angelou xx
I’m feeling your physical exhaustion, the windstorm heading your way, the cows,( f’cking someone else’s problem but now yours).Your urgency, as the wind tangles and knots your hair, hopelessly and without a plan , in your mad failed attempt to corral a herd of cattle with your bare hands. And then, and then… I’m seeing you as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, carrying a windblown Toto, I mean Wolfie. Why not add music to the scene. May I suggest scene 1 ,take 2 🎥🎬; insert Pink Floyd, The Dark Side of the Moon into you DVD 📀 player. And if I remember correctly, it has been a long while, I believe you begin at the third Lion’s roar of the movie, and press play to start the album. There ,now it should be in sync. Might have to light up a, I think you might call it over in France, a spliff?
I truly am sorry about your favorite student (yes, it is perfectly ok to admit) moving away from your ever encircling arms ,though I am quite sure you have left permanent prints on his heart. And as for the space that has lost its feminine color and mystique, your mother daughter bond that permeated your kitchen like the scent of the most delectable cake baking in the oven , I can only offer a small consolation . Hope , that those of us that fill ourselves with your stories, enriching our distant lives with love,can brightly color that space until she returns home again .
You know, I would like to take all the credit for synchronizing DSOT Moon with W of Oz , but it really is a thing. Though Waters and Gilmore said it was mere coincidence . Nevertheless , you, my dear, are still the star of the show. Still, I can just imagine you making a whirlwind of treats for your daughter. YOU MAKE YOUR OWN NAANS?!!!!
I am picturing that windswept scene in the Wizard of Oz, how many times I saw that film on Christmas Day I do not recall, many with mum and sisters - now the background music, Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the moon you say? Yes... yes, perfect, just the right tempo, a touch of drama, just the right build up! Oh but wait, wait, I haven't lit the spliff - right word - who has a light? Ok, now I'm there... spinning in the tornado, a little dizzy, now dizzier... floating on the wind and... out the other side, exhausted, unscathed but calm! Phew... what a buzz, what a ride, I may just hit repeat! 🔂
Lor, you always carry a smile in your thoughts... what the devil would I do without you? My daughter will be home in three weeks... I can do this thing while preparing delicious cakes chocolate with Navel oranges I think, her favourite spicy soup, Naan bread too, a veritable welcome home, female company in the making! 👧🏻xx
Susie, I barely managed to breathe as I read, but wished I could be with you to share the burden at least. I’m sorry, it’s been an age since I caught you, and you sound as though you need more than one angel reminding you of love’s importance. Bloody stupid animals and country life - I can understand your occasional dreams of a city apartment (but know you never will!). I’m sending love, hope and fortitude from a much less battered Somerset. Xx
Thank you Vanessa, I am more inclined to lay blame on the farmer whose fence was in such a deplorable state between his and my fields than the cows... but yes, bloody cows! If only they weren't so huge and heavy! My little patch of woodland is looking like a battlefield, the fences like something from Steptoe and Son's back yard... all is repairable though given time and money and the right weather - and no one died - I'm looking on the bright side!
Thank you for nipping in, no need to apologise, life is busy and Substack publications numerous... I know so well! Sending hugs back to you xx
Wow, what a heroine you are, Susie, what gripping brilliant writing, I was right there, gripped to this scene in rural France. You did 100 times better than me in this scenario. Sending peace, sending rest. What a sense of purpose and meaning in how you landed this essay at the end.
Bless you for reading to the end, I cannot admit to feeling very heroic Síodhna, if it hadn't been for the wind drying my tears of despair, I may well have drowned in them... it seems these moments of utter chaos always arrive when we are feeling at our most vulnerable and incapable, and yet, somehow, from somewhere in the very deepest part of us, we find the strength to do what is necessary - I am quite certain you would have been equally capable. We humans are made of far stronger stuff than we imagine and thank goodness for that!
We find the strength to do the necessary. We rise to these events, how they transform us, become the memory and story thereafter. What an art it is to weave and tell it, with the wit, and eye, just as you have. Here's Sinead O'Connor singing of such things.
Oh Susie! What a post. I was on the edge of my seat through all of this, feeling it with you and my heart aching for you! I know similar stories from my parents about the destruction of a herd of cows as they live in the countryside and have cows surrounding them (not their own).
"My husband does not like cows, unless they are winked at by fire and lay bloody on his plate." -- I know I shouldn't quote something that hinges upon a sentence around lack of sympathy for your plight by your husband, but this was a deft and clever sentence!
Can I ask where your daughter is? You will have mentioned it before but I have forgotten, sorry. I hope you get to see her soon.
Despite the destruction you detail, you create something marvellous in the recounting. You are truly gifted.
Cows are hell when they escape, I'm sure your parents will say the same thing... and still I adore them! I guess I'm not for learning...
No apology necessary for pulling that line Nathan, it is a truth I live with, sometimes grudgingly admittedly but often with mirth; secretly I think he fears the bovine race, but we will keep that between you and I.
My daughter is but a mere two hours away in Toulouse by car, but my work schedule both here at home and in class is so overloaded I never have a full day to take a quick trip down and right now she is studying for her finals so has no time to return either. She will be home for Easter, we are both counting days!
Thank you so much for taking time from your own precious free minutes to read and comment this, I wish I could create extra hours in the day for us both!
Nothing I can say will make things better for you, Susie. Sitting comfortably in my urban kitchen, never adored with such softness as yours, all I can do is, think of you with love and respect. 🖤
I am glad my dear friend, to be touched by love and respect coming from you, comfortable in your kitchen is enough... more than enough - I send love back, from my own comfortable place this evening - because now, I can! 🙏🏼♥️
I hope the comfort lingers for a while over there :)
Comfort is as nebulous as the clouds Fotini, I take it when offered, cherish its warmth then bow to the inevitable chill it leaves when gone - this week has been very changeable but I am accustomed to its moods now… xx
Susie! Whoever had the notion that men run this world is terribly mistaken. Your fortitude married with compassion is legendary and maybe, now I wonder, ancestral? An entire lineage of fiercely loving women stand behind you—may you feel buoyed by their strength in the wildest of storms. And boy do they come at you with force!
Kimberly you are an angel, you make me feel invincible with your kind thoughts.
I am simply relieved to know that somewhere within my absolute depletion of energy or coherent thought I was able to conjure necessary strength both physically and emotionally to ensure, my loved ones at least, were safe... it is no more and no less than any other woman would have done presented with such a need - we have reserves of resilience and immense stamina for just such situations, all of us!
I may just beg - with a little prayer to whichever god is in command of these things - at least a few days to recover before the next battle commences! xx
I’ll join you in prayer. 😂
oh Susie! I feel exhausted for you. All of this - the wind, the destruction by the cows on your hard worked garden, your husband who sits there waiting for his food.....
So many people I know who own idyllic pieces of land are constantly lamenting the work involved. Never ending mowing and weed eating in summer, the money needed to make it all work etc etc. Many of them have sold up and moved to easier abodes that free up their time for other things they love. I wonder though, what would you do with all that time? In a sense, it feels like you are in your element - in the elements! And then you alchemise and process the experience through your wonderful writing! ❤️ Ps I hear you on the daughter front. Luckily my Eva is only 3.5 hrs away - I had to make an emergency visit last weekend for a hug after 5 weeks apart. May the wind stop blowing, your husband offer a helping interested hand, and your beautiful daughter come to visit. ❤️
Hi Jo, the wind has at last silenced its incessant howling and hubby is helping with the repairs, possibly because he knows he has a far better hand where carpentry is concerned and the time to do it but I'm not complaining!
Many people give up on the idillic life they've dreamed of and planned out in meticulous detail, or so they thought, for exactly the reasons you state, I know of many too. They have little idea of the work involved, the leisure time they must give up to make it work, no more evenings out in town, no restaurants, no cinema, theatre or shows, its mud and muck and weeds all the way, broken nails, sunburnt nose and tangled hair, filthy clothes which may or may not have once been designer made and elegant, it no longer matters because nobody sees them any more anyway! Its tough but damn its beautiful too, you know me well, I wouldn't change it for anything else, ever... not even for well behaved cows!
My daughter is a bare 2 hours away, usually I see her every six weeks, its bearable, just, but she has final exams this year and is head down studying, I am under strict orders... she will be here at Easter but I must wait, so wait I will, not without heartache and longing though as you are discovering with your own. I wish you a beautiful week, autumn must be closing in for you now? ♥️xx
So good to hear that you have some help with the repairs Susie!
Your second paragraph - yes yes yes. No mud no lotus as they say. ❤️
Bring on Easter! Yes a time for family and here in the South Island - stunning autumn colours. ❤️❤️❤️
I love that Jo, " No mud no lotus" Brilliantn I will remember that, my father used to tell me, 'no pain, no gain!' which amounts to the same. xx
The quote is one of many beautiful life affirming offerings from Thich Nhat Hanh. xx
I have, too, a favorite student who now, many years later, moved near me for a job, just got promoted big time and will be moving back to Manhattan. Susie, you got me right in my heart with this essay.
I am always happy to touch heartstrings Mary - A favourite student who returned to you, this gives me such hope. Though he is but a small boy, we had/have formed a very strong bond - I will pray for future reunions! x
When you care for someone, when you see them and begin to grok something of the shape of them, their wiring and sensibilities, the last thing you could ever want is to somehow add to the load of burdens they are already carrying, ...struggling to carry.
So brave.
“It is three months since I have had female company in my kitchen. I am nostalgic with longing; I miss soft, I miss being understood, I miss gentle words, I miss my daughter.
‘Soon’ she tells me. I hope soon is soon enough.”
I read this and am achey with you. For you.
And this atop the fact that already this morning I have read such considered and generous words, written and delivered by you. To me. A thoughtful, empathic note to punctuate a story I’ve attempted.
Then further, reading the comments that this most recent tale of yours has generated from other readers, I see many more instances of your generosity and endurance. You make such effort to see and offer comfort to others, to speak to their concerns, to notice their empathetic attentions.
Such effort to do right by the non-human creatures in your care.
How then to write a note to someone I admire as much as I admire you, but in a way that requires nothing taxing of you, in reply? I sit with that, mull it around in my head for an hour, uncertain how to proceed...
Perhaps simplest is best, I decide.
Go ahead, send your note, along with a simple request:
“Just tap the heart to let me know you’ve read it, my friend. Nothing more. No thank yous or generous acknowledgements, no time spent in thoughtful reply. You are a magician with those currencies, but just now, just this once, bank those minutes such kindness would cost. Use them to sleep. To walk. To make another one of those magical pictures that feed your soul. Our souls."
There will be time to speak further, later. For now, just lean in, sigh, miss your daughter, allow yourself to see how brave and how weary you are. Cry as long as you want. Trust us to read between the lines.
I see you, friend.
Adoration and respect.
Dearest David, No long thoughtful reply, but, I cannot tap that little heart without first telling you, on this of all days - when I have succumbed to fatigue absolute, called my work colleagues with culpable regret to advise of my absence - how deeply touched I am at your reading between the levity of my words. I am crying great tears of gratitude my friend. My thanks seem paltry in return but they are truly heartfelt.
Oh Susie-- I don't know how you found the energy to rescue the sheep and chickens from such chaos -- love, of course, but I feel the exhaustion caught in its heart strings. And your daughter -- I was last in one daughter's kitchen in January - oh, so briefly, another I have not seen in real life since the beginning of January 2024. No female friend or relative in my own kitchen since a brief visit from a dear friend last October. And I had not realised this -- much to ponder and sending lots of love x
Today I caved, my utterly exhausted state was incapable of anything more than a phone call to apologise for my absence in class - it is a rare day but it was necessary.
Oh Jan, that is a long, long time, my heart breaks for you..I want to drive over right now and remedy at least the having a friend in your kitchen, though it is little different here now that I think of it either! This French life, no matter that we love what it gives, no matter that we are fortunate in so many ways we could never have imagined, is hard on family ties, on daughters and sons, on the giving and receiving of much missed loving hugs...
I send love back to you in buckets! xx
Your words of exhaustion play in the realism of the read. I feel heavy footsteps and the sufferfest that comes with simply pulling on a coat because these things are required. The cows, they arrive with their little minds, tangle their own feet in a spirited chaos and leave the remnants behind. These things, I see with your words.
And the, the gossamer threads ...
Stacy, a heartfelt thank you for feeling between the lines, if had had written without levity the extent of my utter misery, I fear it would have read more like a tragedy. Worse things happen... and of course, I can smile about it now, this is the countryside, cows escape, fields are raided and fences broken - often! I will ask politely if they may consider waiting until a day when I am more capable physically and emotionally of dealing with the aftermath though...
Gossamer threads remain broken but more are being constructed as I type - always a silver lining xx
May everything be repaired, the fences, the gate, the roof slates, your nerves, and your gentle, breaking heart. The heart will take a little longer.
Hugs from your friend on the other side of our tiny planet. xx
Well, decent fencing is a pretty good idea, I would say. 😠
One soggy step at a time, dear one. xx
Thank you dear Louise, it is slow work as I have classes all day and the ground is too wet to approach in the necessary vehicle for repairs, we need to replace posts which means standing on the pick-up bed to sledge them in, five were literally demolished by the herd. The sheep are safe though behind inelegant wire for the time being.
and as of this evening the cattle are back in their field... heaven knows where they disappeared to but its taken the farmer four days to track them down... I imagine he was extremely worried. Perhaps he may think about putting up decent fencing himself in future?
All hugs gratefully received, they help the heart immensely - bless you 🙏🏼xx
Having once had stray cows dancing on a small patch of soft ground, mercifully not the garden, I feel for you even without the fatigue, the wind, the indifferent males. And for your woodland lane and spring flowers. Take care of yourself Susie.
Kindest thanks Michelle, I should be used to such invasions by now, they are always so devastating though and never expected, least of all on an evening when fatigue is so debilitating. The woodland lane was my biggest sadness, it will take years for the edges to regrow as they were... I couldn't help the tears the following morning in the broad light of day. I hope the week is being kind to you, that spring is showing its colours too.. xx
I found my self welling up Susie overwhelmed with feelings of your love for your daughter and the lovely wee student. I hope all has calmed down, trust that the flowers will come up through the cows rampaging hoof prints, quiet will be restored, sleep will restore you too. Sending love from a peninsula in Scotland to you on your hill.
Sweetest heartfelt thanks Sarah, I cannot deny feeling overwhelmed that day too... sadly one cannot ask of cows that they hold back on rampaging woodland paths and sheepfolds for days that are more suited to the owners... although perhaps I may try, just in case they are planning a repeat!
I am counting the days to Easter and my daughters return, it feels like a long wait but time passes so quickly when filled with all the excitement of spring. There is always something to occupy me - it helps.
I hope spring is showing signs of movement on your Scottish peninsula, today I found the first cowslips and stitchwort - sure signs that winter is over. I send a poise of each with a hug back to you xx
I'm thinking that your relationship with this farmer are frosty at best? He is responsible for the damage done to your property, as I'm sure you know. Will you just leave things at that?
Its complicated Betty, isn't it always! This farmer is the son of the first people we met when we moved here. His mother was the English teacher in the school I now work in and gave us immense and much appreciated guidance with all things administrative when we arrived. In the last two years both she and her husband have undergone life threatening medical procedures due to ill health and early last year, her son too, the owner of the cattle, had a stroke which has left him exhausted. He has not worked properly since, relying on help from other members of the family. I just don't have the heart to ask for compensation of any type, Hubby can knock top a gate faster than I can type this and I will repair the fences, we will say no more. Its life in the country when surrounded by farmland and cows. It isn't the first time and I doubt it will be the last either...
Oh well, in that case I understand. That's a different type of relationship.
It is, one I cherish despite hardships like these Betty. As I said to someone else, shit happens! 🙃xx
Oh my goodness Susie, what windswept and chaotic weekend! I am relieved that sheep and hens were found safe despite their unexpected visitors but oh, the clean up and fixing. My heart is with you. I find myself always worrying over the clearing up of things after the chaos.
Your student, though now unexpectedly distant will carry a piece of your heart with them and you will carry a piece of theirs. Sending love x
If the whole scene had been filmed Emily I think it may have qualified as another in the Carry On Laughing series, one ridiculous disaster after another! Of course, I can say that in hindsight only... the sense of doom and disaster at the time was far from funny! We all survived though, worse things happen but yes, the clear up and repairs are very much the opposite. In the harsh light of day it looks like Armageddon in my little patch of woodland and the fencing, still only temporarily repaired, more like a line of scrap metal and poles from a junkyard. It is what it is, nobody died although I am not having good thoughts about the farmer who's fencing is still not repaired either...
And my little angel... oh how I miss him - I hope he remembers me as I will remember him,🥲
I hope your week is treating you well lovely one, that spring days are abundant! lots of love 💛xx
I am sure he will remember you… after all, “I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”… Maya Angelou xx
I’m feeling your physical exhaustion, the windstorm heading your way, the cows,( f’cking someone else’s problem but now yours).Your urgency, as the wind tangles and knots your hair, hopelessly and without a plan , in your mad failed attempt to corral a herd of cattle with your bare hands. And then, and then… I’m seeing you as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, carrying a windblown Toto, I mean Wolfie. Why not add music to the scene. May I suggest scene 1 ,take 2 🎥🎬; insert Pink Floyd, The Dark Side of the Moon into you DVD 📀 player. And if I remember correctly, it has been a long while, I believe you begin at the third Lion’s roar of the movie, and press play to start the album. There ,now it should be in sync. Might have to light up a, I think you might call it over in France, a spliff?
I truly am sorry about your favorite student (yes, it is perfectly ok to admit) moving away from your ever encircling arms ,though I am quite sure you have left permanent prints on his heart. And as for the space that has lost its feminine color and mystique, your mother daughter bond that permeated your kitchen like the scent of the most delectable cake baking in the oven , I can only offer a small consolation . Hope , that those of us that fill ourselves with your stories, enriching our distant lives with love,can brightly color that space until she returns home again .
Still, very impressive! On my way over for dinner. Keep it warm, might take me a while to get there✈️ 🏇🏃♀️
You know, I would like to take all the credit for synchronizing DSOT Moon with W of Oz , but it really is a thing. Though Waters and Gilmore said it was mere coincidence . Nevertheless , you, my dear, are still the star of the show. Still, I can just imagine you making a whirlwind of treats for your daughter. YOU MAKE YOUR OWN NAANS?!!!!
I have to! Try finding Naan bread around here and you’ll be searching forever! I love Indian food, French people don’t, so they don’t sell it… 🙃
I am picturing that windswept scene in the Wizard of Oz, how many times I saw that film on Christmas Day I do not recall, many with mum and sisters - now the background music, Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the moon you say? Yes... yes, perfect, just the right tempo, a touch of drama, just the right build up! Oh but wait, wait, I haven't lit the spliff - right word - who has a light? Ok, now I'm there... spinning in the tornado, a little dizzy, now dizzier... floating on the wind and... out the other side, exhausted, unscathed but calm! Phew... what a buzz, what a ride, I may just hit repeat! 🔂
Lor, you always carry a smile in your thoughts... what the devil would I do without you? My daughter will be home in three weeks... I can do this thing while preparing delicious cakes chocolate with Navel oranges I think, her favourite spicy soup, Naan bread too, a veritable welcome home, female company in the making! 👧🏻xx
Susie, I barely managed to breathe as I read, but wished I could be with you to share the burden at least. I’m sorry, it’s been an age since I caught you, and you sound as though you need more than one angel reminding you of love’s importance. Bloody stupid animals and country life - I can understand your occasional dreams of a city apartment (but know you never will!). I’m sending love, hope and fortitude from a much less battered Somerset. Xx
Thank you Vanessa, I am more inclined to lay blame on the farmer whose fence was in such a deplorable state between his and my fields than the cows... but yes, bloody cows! If only they weren't so huge and heavy! My little patch of woodland is looking like a battlefield, the fences like something from Steptoe and Son's back yard... all is repairable though given time and money and the right weather - and no one died - I'm looking on the bright side!
Thank you for nipping in, no need to apologise, life is busy and Substack publications numerous... I know so well! Sending hugs back to you xx
Wow, what a heroine you are, Susie, what gripping brilliant writing, I was right there, gripped to this scene in rural France. You did 100 times better than me in this scenario. Sending peace, sending rest. What a sense of purpose and meaning in how you landed this essay at the end.
Heroine. ✊
Bless you for reading to the end, I cannot admit to feeling very heroic Síodhna, if it hadn't been for the wind drying my tears of despair, I may well have drowned in them... it seems these moments of utter chaos always arrive when we are feeling at our most vulnerable and incapable, and yet, somehow, from somewhere in the very deepest part of us, we find the strength to do what is necessary - I am quite certain you would have been equally capable. We humans are made of far stronger stuff than we imagine and thank goodness for that!
I hope the week is being kind to you 🙏🏼x
We find the strength to do the necessary. We rise to these events, how they transform us, become the memory and story thereafter. What an art it is to weave and tell it, with the wit, and eye, just as you have. Here's Sinead O'Connor singing of such things.
https://youtu.be/BvKV4_9nV2M?si=zQ7hF90OfVuHAD9q