Ah Susie, so moving. My mother would have been 81 this year and I too carry her in my heart. What I miss most is being to talk to her - always full of wisdom and never judgemental.
Hi Susie! Your mom must be an angel, and your words are honouring her! I miss my mother too but I know she’s with me, watching me and looking after me, just as your mom do for you. People who we love always stay in our hearts. Sending you my warm regards! Dave xx
Thank you for this kind reassurance Dave, sometimes I can almost feel her beside me as I work, her presence is so clear I feel I could speak to her.. indeed, I have whole conversations with her! I believe you when you say the people we love are always watching over us, guiding and loving from wherever it is they go….
My mum was an angel in life and is now in death too…
Huge thanks Jo, whether my mum knows it or not, she still plays such a huge role in my life… I have whole conversations with her while I’m working! She always said I talk too much!
Thank you Roselle, I don't think we ever stop missing our mum's do we, there are easier days but so often they are still heartbreaking in their longing... 💔xx
This is so poignant and beautiful. Susie, and such a blessing.
My mother had such deep scars from her violent, abused childhood that she was unable to pass on love. She threw me out when I finished school, didn't attend my wedding (aged 18) and then briefly re-netered my life in a chaotic and destricutive way -- she told me to abort my third pregnancy (planned and wanted) because I had enough children already, would only buy gifts for my oldest (a son) becasue 'girls are worthless' (Rowan is now trans fem!:)) and finally broke all ties with me and her granchildren when the fourth was about 18 months old, because I asked to discuss ground rules about how we treat children with respect in my home.
I haven't seen her for almost 29 years except for a weird chance sighting from a train platform when I was returning from visiting a dying friend.
I hope my children could write about me with a fraction of the love you and your mother had and which lives on in you always. It's such a profound gift to the world -- and I love this: "For years I tried to run from everything my beautiful mother was, I didn’t want the same life and yet, it is everything I have without even noticing the journey and, just like her, I love life."
I don't know what else to say except I see you. I'm sorry for all the moments you weren't able to have with your mom, and for what your kids will miss out in a grandmother. But I am so, so grateful for tender and kind people like yourself, who are not carrying forward anything that wasn't meant for them in the first place.
I don't know if it helps or not, but I have not the greatest history with my own mom and I, too, made a better way for my kids. And, just a few months back, one of my very sweet friends, who also has a troubled past with her own mom, and I agreed to be the moms for each other that neither of us ever had. I hope to heal some of my own wounds for myself and my kids and for my friend, too, in doing that. Sending you hugs and love!! XO
Jan I have tears in my eyes reading your sad story, I wish I could hug you, tell you that deep in her heart your mother did love you and your beautiful children. It is a tragic fact of life that people who have seen and felt abuse tend to give the same back in their own lives, whether this is an act caused by knowing no different or of revenge I don’t know but my heart breaks for the lose of love you have suffered.
I know I and my two sisters were very lucky to have a mother that would have killed were it necessary to save us, she loved openly and deeply all people, she didn’t suffer fools and if anyone was foolish enough to cross her, well, they knew about it!
I’m sure your children will one day write beautiful and kind words for you Jan, you aren’t your mother and it is obvious you recognise that her way was not the only way….
Thank you you for sharing what must be a horribly heavy weight to carry - I send you love and courage xxxxx
For all the madness, we are reminded why we fight for a better world. It’s the gentle love between humans that makes life so valuable and will prevail. Thanks Susie. Beautiful post
I believe some people were here simply for that Jonathan, to spread love and kindnesses, to care and teach better ways… my mum was one of those people, learning begins in the home we grew up in, those lessons are are to forget when the love is so strong!
That’s a lovely comment Barrie, thank you. I am honoured to be even a tiny part of my mum, I hope I can pass the same on to my own children, memories, love, scars and all!
Your Mother lives within you, she has never left. Your heart, mind, body and spirit holds these precious memories, locked forever in your DNA. I adore the photo of your Mother holding her Sweet Baby Susie with loving tenderness. I too miss my Mother, her big hugs and big love. We are blessed ✨💖✨
I cannot imagine a mother being otherwise, a mother who doesn’t love her children doesn’t deserve to keep them… mine was an angel in life and continues in death - like you, I feel her close to me every day - the binding of love was strong and still is and I’m so grateful for that…
I cannot…I’m…words….will never come close to the feeling this left in me. Susie, the scars of your mother’s love, I see them now reaching like the branches of an ancient tree, beetroot stained, mending and all-knowing, reaching outwards and then back into your own exquisitely scarred existence. I zoomed in on that dear photo and then again on how she gently held you with such love. Thank you for this unforgettable offering Susie. I so want to believe she heard your words as you typed them. ❤️
Knowing these words moved you as someone with as big a heart as yours touches me beyond words Kimberly. It is the strangest feeling to know or to see the people we become, especially when we have never been certain of who we are and have been along the myriad paths life takes us down. Stranger still, the not being shocked at the repletion of a history we took part in the creating of...
My mum taught us well, I'm not certain she was aware of it at the time but if she saw us now she would know that, despite having her life so tragically ripped from under her, she'd had time to hand us all the essential ingredients for a beautiful life.
I have to believe she has found my words because I never had time to tell her... 🙏🏼 with love and thanks always xxxx
I had just stopped working late at night and was flicking pages trying to rev down. The first promising distraction I spied was your substack.
Your belated keening for your wonderful mother is seriously beautiful, and pierces the reader's heart.
I too am motherless so I can't follow your instruction -- instead, I decided to react to these writings of a sort-of sister. So here we are, still standing and living life, even as we never forget.
I send you back love my very dear sort-of-sister. Indeed, here we are, the two eldest orphans, collided in this same strange distant detachment of family in the same country and yet, holding tight to memories... it wasn't a coincidence that while writing this I thought of your own dear mother, also taken from this mortal coil too soon, too young and before she was ready... in different ways this is for her too xxx
Funny you should bring up the original Althea last night; I almost added something -- which was to say that I had sensed strongly that she was in the room all day. And then I realised that all day I had been consuming art history -- about artists and inspirations and all tendencies and craziness from the Impressionists to surrealism, all her heroes. Perhaps our mothers had a meet-up? Much love, from your sort-of-sister.
I am sure they did and have done many times since, I know my mum would have loved to talk all things impressionist as well as Althea's Christmas cake recipe - do you remember that, pinned to the side of the fridge? Love back always X
Ah Susie, so moving. My mother would have been 81 this year and I too carry her in my heart. What I miss most is being to talk to her - always full of wisdom and never judgemental.
Hi Susie,
This is a beautiful and moving tradition you uphold, and very heartfelt words.
Thank you for also linking the other pieces. I read Ben's earlier in the week, but Tommy's I didn't know. So thank you.
Hi Susie! Your mom must be an angel, and your words are honouring her! I miss my mother too but I know she’s with me, watching me and looking after me, just as your mom do for you. People who we love always stay in our hearts. Sending you my warm regards! Dave xx
Thank you for this kind reassurance Dave, sometimes I can almost feel her beside me as I work, her presence is so clear I feel I could speak to her.. indeed, I have whole conversations with her! I believe you when you say the people we love are always watching over us, guiding and loving from wherever it is they go….
My mum was an angel in life and is now in death too…
I send you warm hugs back my dear friend xxx
What beautiful memories Susie which keep your mother alive on the page and in your heart.
Thank you for sharing.
Thoughts and blessings 💛
Huge thanks Jo, whether my mum knows it or not, she still plays such a huge role in my life… I have whole conversations with her while I’m working! She always said I talk too much!
Wishing you a lovely weekend 💛🍃xx
Very moving. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Thank you for reading Syreeta, I am happy to have touched you with these words… may the day be kind to you 🤍🍃
This is so very beautiful, Susie. Thank you. My mum's been gone 13 years nearly and I still miss her most days. x
Thank you Roselle, I don't think we ever stop missing our mum's do we, there are easier days but so often they are still heartbreaking in their longing... 💔xx
Extremely moving, heartfelt and absolutely beautiful, Susie.
That you felt my emotion touches my heart Safar, thank you so much for reading xx
🙏🏽♥️🥲
This is so poignant and beautiful. Susie, and such a blessing.
My mother had such deep scars from her violent, abused childhood that she was unable to pass on love. She threw me out when I finished school, didn't attend my wedding (aged 18) and then briefly re-netered my life in a chaotic and destricutive way -- she told me to abort my third pregnancy (planned and wanted) because I had enough children already, would only buy gifts for my oldest (a son) becasue 'girls are worthless' (Rowan is now trans fem!:)) and finally broke all ties with me and her granchildren when the fourth was about 18 months old, because I asked to discuss ground rules about how we treat children with respect in my home.
I haven't seen her for almost 29 years except for a weird chance sighting from a train platform when I was returning from visiting a dying friend.
I hope my children could write about me with a fraction of the love you and your mother had and which lives on in you always. It's such a profound gift to the world -- and I love this: "For years I tried to run from everything my beautiful mother was, I didn’t want the same life and yet, it is everything I have without even noticing the journey and, just like her, I love life."
To find that simplicity and love are everything.
Thank you.
I don't know what else to say except I see you. I'm sorry for all the moments you weren't able to have with your mom, and for what your kids will miss out in a grandmother. But I am so, so grateful for tender and kind people like yourself, who are not carrying forward anything that wasn't meant for them in the first place.
I don't know if it helps or not, but I have not the greatest history with my own mom and I, too, made a better way for my kids. And, just a few months back, one of my very sweet friends, who also has a troubled past with her own mom, and I agreed to be the moms for each other that neither of us ever had. I hope to heal some of my own wounds for myself and my kids and for my friend, too, in doing that. Sending you hugs and love!! XO
I Hope that works for you both Danielle - I send you courage and love too…xxx
Jan I have tears in my eyes reading your sad story, I wish I could hug you, tell you that deep in her heart your mother did love you and your beautiful children. It is a tragic fact of life that people who have seen and felt abuse tend to give the same back in their own lives, whether this is an act caused by knowing no different or of revenge I don’t know but my heart breaks for the lose of love you have suffered.
I know I and my two sisters were very lucky to have a mother that would have killed were it necessary to save us, she loved openly and deeply all people, she didn’t suffer fools and if anyone was foolish enough to cross her, well, they knew about it!
I’m sure your children will one day write beautiful and kind words for you Jan, you aren’t your mother and it is obvious you recognise that her way was not the only way….
Thank you you for sharing what must be a horribly heavy weight to carry - I send you love and courage xxxxx
For all the madness, we are reminded why we fight for a better world. It’s the gentle love between humans that makes life so valuable and will prevail. Thanks Susie. Beautiful post
I believe some people were here simply for that Jonathan, to spread love and kindnesses, to care and teach better ways… my mum was one of those people, learning begins in the home we grew up in, those lessons are are to forget when the love is so strong!
Thank you so much for reading.
Touchingly beautiful. So good to keep your mother’s presence so keenly felt through memories and your own life well-lived.
That’s a lovely comment Barrie, thank you. I am honoured to be even a tiny part of my mum, I hope I can pass the same on to my own children, memories, love, scars and all!
💛💛
Beautiful heartbreaking words Susie. My tears are for you. Sending love 🖤
Thank you lovely, I think of her still, almost every day. I don’t think we ever recover from losing our mums… 💔
You sent this comment while I was listening to you take your gorgeous walk Emily, what were the chances of that! Xx
🥰 we were with each other in spirit Susie 💛my mum is still with me, I resolve to savour these moments that we can still have together xx
Every moment is precious… enjoy them all, even the ones when you disagree. 🥲💛🍃xx
Your Mother lives within you, she has never left. Your heart, mind, body and spirit holds these precious memories, locked forever in your DNA. I adore the photo of your Mother holding her Sweet Baby Susie with loving tenderness. I too miss my Mother, her big hugs and big love. We are blessed ✨💖✨
I cannot imagine a mother being otherwise, a mother who doesn’t love her children doesn’t deserve to keep them… mine was an angel in life and continues in death - like you, I feel her close to me every day - the binding of love was strong and still is and I’m so grateful for that…
I miss her presence though, her smile and warmth…
Sending love darling ♥️xxx
I cannot…I’m…words….will never come close to the feeling this left in me. Susie, the scars of your mother’s love, I see them now reaching like the branches of an ancient tree, beetroot stained, mending and all-knowing, reaching outwards and then back into your own exquisitely scarred existence. I zoomed in on that dear photo and then again on how she gently held you with such love. Thank you for this unforgettable offering Susie. I so want to believe she heard your words as you typed them. ❤️
Knowing these words moved you as someone with as big a heart as yours touches me beyond words Kimberly. It is the strangest feeling to know or to see the people we become, especially when we have never been certain of who we are and have been along the myriad paths life takes us down. Stranger still, the not being shocked at the repletion of a history we took part in the creating of...
My mum taught us well, I'm not certain she was aware of it at the time but if she saw us now she would know that, despite having her life so tragically ripped from under her, she'd had time to hand us all the essential ingredients for a beautiful life.
I have to believe she has found my words because I never had time to tell her... 🙏🏼 with love and thanks always xxxx
I had just stopped working late at night and was flicking pages trying to rev down. The first promising distraction I spied was your substack.
Your belated keening for your wonderful mother is seriously beautiful, and pierces the reader's heart.
I too am motherless so I can't follow your instruction -- instead, I decided to react to these writings of a sort-of sister. So here we are, still standing and living life, even as we never forget.
I send you back love my very dear sort-of-sister. Indeed, here we are, the two eldest orphans, collided in this same strange distant detachment of family in the same country and yet, holding tight to memories... it wasn't a coincidence that while writing this I thought of your own dear mother, also taken from this mortal coil too soon, too young and before she was ready... in different ways this is for her too xxx
Funny you should bring up the original Althea last night; I almost added something -- which was to say that I had sensed strongly that she was in the room all day. And then I realised that all day I had been consuming art history -- about artists and inspirations and all tendencies and craziness from the Impressionists to surrealism, all her heroes. Perhaps our mothers had a meet-up? Much love, from your sort-of-sister.
I am sure they did and have done many times since, I know my mum would have loved to talk all things impressionist as well as Althea's Christmas cake recipe - do you remember that, pinned to the side of the fridge? Love back always X
Susie, thanks so much for recommending my story. I’m honored that it spoke to you.
It was even more poignant falling this week Ben, you're very welcome!